The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is taped before a live studio audience.

[audience applause]

Jon: Welcome back to the program! My guest tonight! An actress who's appeared in many films, her latest project is Showtime's "The L Word".

[episode clip from 1x09 "Luck, Next Time":]

EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT

[Bette comes out of the house.]

Bette: Excuse me! What the hell do you think you're doing?

EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - FRONT YARD - NIGHT

[Bette walks across the lawn to the two. The girl shines the video camera's light in her eyes, filming her.]

Flower Guy: Telling people the truth!

Bette: (to girl) You shut that off! You have no right (slaps camera), you shut it off!

[The girl stumbles a little but keeps filming. Bette turns around and reads the sign: "BETTE PORTER Director of the CALIFORNIA ARTS CENTER wants you to support GODLESS FILTH IN THE NAME OF ART"]

Flower Guy: That stuff you're showing in your (makes air quotes) museum, it's pornography -

[Bette rips the sign out of the ground.]

Flower Guy: - it's filth! -

Bette: (shouting over Flower Guy) (pointing to house) This is my home! This is my family!

Flower Guy: (shouting over Bette) It's disgusting! You have no right to show it!

Bette: (shouting over Flower Guy) You have no right to come here, do you hear me?

Flower Guy: (shouting over Bette) You have no right to corrupt children!

[Bette shoves the sign at the Flower Guy, nearly pushing him over. She screams at him, her frustration and pain boiling over into rage.]

Bette: (screaming) You take this back to Fae Buckley and you tell her if she ever - EVER! - tries something like this again, she will regret it!

[Bette slaps the girl's video camera down again.]

[The two leave Bette standing in her yard. The Flower Guy throws the sign down on the ground.]

Girl: (yelling) You're going to hell!

[Bette looks around, completely lost and wounded.]

Jon: I thought that show was about lesbians making out. I don't know what...

[The audience laughs.]

Jon: Please welcome Jennifer Beals! Jennifer!

[The audience applauds. The band plays music as Jon gets up and Jennifer walks out on stage. Jon and Jennifer hug. Jennifer waves at the audience and sits; Jon dances a moment, then sits.]

Jon: How are ya?

Jennifer: Really good!

Jon: I do wanna tell ya. First of all, it's nice to see you again.

Jennifer: Nice to see you, too.

Jon: Old - my old pal. Uh, we had two - they sent us two clips from the show. One was that, which was excellent acting on your part.

Jennifer: Thanks.

Jon: And the other was you making out with somebody, like a girl, for like... 30 seconds -

Jennifer: And why don't you show the other clip?

[A few people in the audience chuckle.]

Jon: Because, literally 10 minutes into us having it, it (makes air quotes) disappeared -

[The audience laughs. Jennifer smiles and laughs.]

Jon: And - we don't have it anymore! We had it! In our hands!

[Audience laughter. Jennifer smiles.]

Jennifer: And now it's on the Internet!

Jon: I don't know where it is, but...

[A few people in the audience chuckle.]

Jon: All we had left was... big fight!

[Jennifer laughs with the audience.]

Jon: How ya doin'?

Jennifer: I'm doing really, really well.

Jon: How is - is, uh - uh - the show is a smash, uh, sensation, it's -

Jennifer: It's doing very, very, very well. Yeah.

Jon: I should get Showtime, is what you're saying.

Jennifer: I think you should. Yeah. TiVO. There ya go.

Jon: Do you have a TiVO?

Jennifer: I don't have anything.

[The audience chuckles.]

Jennifer: My TV's in the closet, pretty much.

Jon: Poor, poor Jennifer Beals.

[Jennifer laughs with the audience.]

Jennifer: (laughing) I know!

Jon: You really don't have a TiVO at all?

Jennifer: No. I - I - I just -

Jon: What are you, reading?

Jennifer: - have Showtime. What?

Jon: You've just got - you've just got Showtime?

Jennifer: Yeah.

Jon: No, let me ask you this, because this is interesting to me.

Jennifer: Okay.

Jon: Does Showtime make you pay for Showtime?

[The audience laughs. Jennifer purses her lips and smiles, nodding.]

Jon: Because...

Jennifer: They do.

Jon: They do! You're paying for it!

Jennifer: But they gave me per diem.

[Jon gives Jennifer a blank look.]

Jennifer: It's a little, bizarre -

Jon: Don't - don't get crazy Latin on me.

[Jennifer laughs with the audience.]

Jon: You get a per day -

Jennifer: I get - I get a little -

Jon: uh, cable allowance?

Jennifer: (laughing) Stipend, to be here in New York. But, I get no cable. So, I don't know. I'm kinda confused by...

Jon: That's the bad deal.

[Jennifer and the audience laugh.]

Jon: I work on Comedy Central. I have to pay for the, uh, the privilege of having it on my cable service.

Jennifer: (nodding) Yes, I pay for Showtime.

Jon: Now, that's what I'm suggesting. And that is, Showtime, other than Comedy Central, is a premium channel.

[The audience chuckles.]

Jon: Do you know how much Showtime costs, a month?

Jennifer: No.

Jon: Four thousand dollars.

[Jennifer laughs hard, along with the audience.]

Jon: That was pre-lesbians.

[Jennifer and the audience laugh.]

Jon: That was with just "Queer As Folk"!

Jennifer: (laughing) And now it's forty five hundred, is that-

Jon: Now, it's probably up to, who knows what it's going for on eBay, the Showtime.

[Jennifer laughs.]

Jon: How do you like doing uh, uh - is the cast good, is it all...

Jennifer: Everybody is fantastic on the show. We get along really, really well. The writing is great, the directors are great. I just feel incredibly... lucky.

Jon: Huh.

Jennifer: I know.

Jon: Me too.

[Jennifer and the audience laugh.]

Jon: Do you - is everyone just interested in the lesbian aspect of it, like the kissing and everything?

[The audience laughs.]

Jennifer: Well, you know, it's interesting, you know, I've played murderers, I've played, you know, the bride of Frankenstein.

Jon: Mm-hmm.

Jennifer: I've played vampires, but nobody's, um, asked me more about my research than when I play a lesbian woman. It's like, "So..."

[The audience chuckles. Jon sits up in his chair and straightens his tie. Jennifer laughs.]

Jon: (clears throat) Well. Seeing as we've broached the, uh... the topic of, uh... of research. Now, have - see, I know that in a film - now, you and I have made out in a film.

Jennifer: Yes, we have.

[Several guys in the audience hoot and howl, then the audience claps and cheers.]

Jon: And I remember your -

Jennifer: [indecipherable through audience noise]

Jon: - I remember your professionalism bordering on nausea -

[Jennifer laughs with the audience.]

Jon: But let's - let's remember, there were takes when you were, "I cannot do it anymore!"

[Jennifer laughs with the audience.]

Jon: Uh...

Jennifer: (laughing) That's not true!

Jon: Do you consider it, like, kissing the - the ladies... and - and, you know, me -

Jennifer: (chuckling) In the same category?

[Jon raises his brows and cocks his head to the side a little. The audience laughs.]

Jon: Would uh... you... is it a method thing? I mean, is it a...

[The audience laughs.]

Jon: I guess what I'm saying is, (straightens tie) how do I stack up to the ladies?

[The audience laughs.]

Jennifer: I think you stack up really well, actually.

Jon: Nicely! Right?

Jennifer: (clears throat) Very nicely.

Jon: Yeah. Because my wife has said to me sometimes, "When you kiss me sometimes, I feel like becoming a lesbian."

[Jennifer and the audience laugh.]

Jennifer: [indecipherable through audience noise]

Jon: She's very nice. You've met my wife! (to audience, re: Jennifer) She actually met my wife right when I met her.

Jennifer: Yes. I remember when Jon was going on his first date.

Jon: That's right.

Jennifer: And he suggested that they were going to go see "Crumb" - the movie "Crumb" - I told him this: "Perhaps this is not the best date movie."

[The audience laughs. Jon hangs his head and rubs his forehead. Jennifer laughs.]

Jon: And I've told you my rationale, which is: No matter what I do, no matter how bad I seem, "Crumb"s worse.

[Jennifer and the audience laugh.]

Jon: And it worked! And - and -

Jennifer: And here you are.

Jon: And here we are.

Jennifer: And you have a baby -

Jon: Well, all those good things, yeah. So, we're very excited.

Audience: Awww.

[Jennifer giggles. Jon purses his lips then smiles.]

Jon: I believe the audience feels me pathetic.

Jennifer: Nooo!

[The audience laughs.]

Jon: Uh, but listen. I appreciate it, I'm so happy for ya, and the show's going great -

Jennifer: Thank you.. Yeah.

Jon: - and everything else is good, so uh, uh, it's "The L Word." Can you - can you give us a hint. Is it the new season now, or is it the old - this is the first season?

Jennifer: This is the first season, but we've been picked up, and so we're gonna start on another season in - we're gonna start filming in June.

Jon: Congratulations!

Jennifer: Thanks!

Jon: So wonderful. And that's all done up in, uh, Canada -

Jennifer: Yeah.

Jon: That's where you're spending a lot of time. Yeah, very nice. (to camera) Uh, well "The L Word" airs on Showtime, Sunday nights at 10 o'clock, only four thousand dollars a month, you really should pick it up!

[Jennifer and the audience laugh.]

Jon: Jennifer Beals, everybody.

[The audience cheers. The band plays. Jon and Jennifer shake hands and talk as they roll to commercial.]

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