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RATING: TVMA - SLD Credits:
Jennifer Beals (Bette)
Casting by
Casting by
Casting by
Edited by
Production Designers
Directors of Photography
Producers
Produced by
Produced by
Executive Producers
Executive Producer
Teleplay by
Story by
Directed by
Harrison - Landy Cannon
Carolyn - Jennifer Copping
Lori - Rekha Sharma
Artist - Laurie Papou [music - "The Pleasure Song" by Marianne Faithfull] [scenes of L.A. - the downtown skyline in the day, the famous "Hollywood" sign, traffic on the freeways, the cars whizzing past, long streets lined with tall palm trees] [scenes of L.A. - at night, the skyline lit up, headlights and brake lights going by double time, the freeways lit up by headlights, the sunrise across the city skyline] [still more scenes of L.A. - driving down a busy boulevard, looking at the hills, buildings, expensive cars on the streets] [yet more L.A. scenes, this time the front porches of the 'burbs and bungalows] [title card: the L word] INT. - TIM'S GARAGE - DAY [Tim is moving furniture around, clearing out space, placing a large desk in the garage] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - DAY [Bette and Tina are in bed, sleeping.] INT. - TIM'S HOUSE - DAY [Tim walks to the closet and puts on a checked shirt. He smells it, closes the closet door, puts his shoes on and straightens up the bed.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - DAY [Tina stands in the bathroom, looking at an ovulation test stick. She smiles and chuckles, and turns around.] [music stops] Tina: Bette, come here! Bette: (offscreen) What? [Tina looks at the test. Bette enters from the bedroom. Tina turns the stick so that Bette can see it. Bette looks at the stick.] Bette: You're ovulating. Tina: (smiling) I'm ovulating. Bette: (loving) Let's make a baby. [They kiss.] Tina: (between kisses) Let's make a baby. [Tina leans back against the sink as the kiss continues. Bette reaches down (offscreen); Tina moans.] Bette: Why don't you get dressed and I'll drop you off on my way to work. [Tina nods. The kiss ends and Bette goes back to the bedroom.] [music starts again - same song] [Tina turns around at the sink to get ready.] EXT. - TIM'S HOUSE - DAY [Tim locks the front door and walks to his car, an old Trans Am. He gets in, starts the motor, and slowly pulls away.] [Bette and Tina come out of their house, next door. They see Tim and wave as they get in to their own car.] Bette/Tina: Hey Tim. Tim: Bye. Bette/Tina: Good luck. Tim: Thanks. [music stops] INT. - THE PLANET (COFFEE HOUSE) - DAY [Marina carries a couple of cups and walks to the counter. Music plays in the background. People are sitting or standing around, enjoying themselves.] [Shane, Alice and Dana are at the counter.] Alice: Ugh! I am so ready. Marina: It's coming! [a woman behind the counter serves Alice and Shane some coffees and food] Alice: Thank you. [A group of girls stands at the other end of the counter. One of them, Lisa, spots Shane.] Lisa: Hi Shane! Marina: She doesn't talk to anyone before her morning shot. [Marina serves Shane an espresso. The girl looks crestfallen.] Marina: Here you go, Don Juan. Shane: Thank you. [Shane drinks the espresso.] Alice: (quietly, to Dana) She's a kid. A kid. Dana: Whatever. It's fine. Alice: I mean, don't freak out. Dana: (rolling eyes) Okay. [Dana and Alice leave the bar with their food and coffee to get a seat.] [Shane finishes her shot and leaves the bar, headed for the door.] Shane: Allright. Later guys. (waves) [Shane finally acknowledges the girl who tried to talk to her.] Shane: (smiling) Bye Lisa. Lisa: (smiling) See ya, Shane. [As Shane leaves, Tina and Bette come in.] Tina: Whoa, you're not leaving already? Shane: Yeah, I got a nine o'clock, guys. See ya. Bette/Tina: See ya. [Shane leaves The Planet. Tina takes a seat at a table with Alice and Dana.] Tina: Hi. [Marina brings Bette a brown bag and a to-go cup of coffee] Marina: (smiling) Hello. Bette/Tina: (to Marina, Dana and Alice) Good morning, good morning. [Bette leans down and gives Tina a kiss on the lips. Dana observes, then looks at Alice.] Bette: (to Tina) I'll meet you at the doctor's. [Tina nods. Bette turns to go, but remembers something.] Bette: Hey, what time am I supposed to be at what's-his-name's? Tina: Eleven. Bette: Okay. (waves) Bye guys. Alice: (eating) Oh my god. Is it happening today? Dana: Is what today? Alice: The insemination. Dana: (smiles at Tina) Oh! Alice: So you're doing it at the doctor's office this time? Tina: But first, Dan Foxworthy. Alice: No way! Dana: Who? Why don't I know what you're talking about? Alice: 'Cause you don't read. Dana: Oh, and, what are you, the intellectual of life? Alice: Dan Foxworthy is like the super-exclusive shrink to the stars. He was on our list of L.A.'s best self-improvement gurus. (to Tina) How did you get that appointment? Tina: I just called and asked. (points, to Alice) Don't tell Bette I told you. Okay? Dana: But, what are you guys doing, I mean, you don't need a shrink. Tina: We're just checking in. We're about to do this incredibly major thing. Dana: But wait, you guys have the best relationship of anybody I know, gay or straight. Tina: (shrugs) I just want to make sure we're good. EXT. - AIRPORT TERMINAL - DAY [A pair of slender legs in jeans is seen. The camera pans up. It's Jenny. She carries a bag over her shoulder.] [Jenny walks slowly, turning around, nearly bumping into someone.] Jenny: Sorry. [Tim walks up behind Jenny. Jenny turns around and sees him.] Tim: Could I offer you a ride? [Jenny throws her arms around his neck and they kiss for a moment.] Tim: I missed you so much. Jenny: I ... missed you. Tim: (motioning to bag) Is that all you have? Jenny: That's all I have. Tim: Can't believe you're here! [They laugh. Tim picks up her bag.] Tim: (smiling) Come on! [They head towards his car, smiling.] INT. - DAN FOXWORTHY'S OFFICE - DAY [Tina sits on a couch. She sighs, looking somewhat uncomfortable. Dr. Dan Foxworthy sits across from her, in a chair. They're waiting on Bette.] Tina: (apologetically) She's always running late. She had a board meeting, then she had a meeting with an artist. Bette's the director of the California Arts Center. Dan: (nods) I see. Tina: And... she's probably going to be really stressed about time. After this, we have to go get sperm. We're trying to have a baby, and our friend Sean's donating. [The office door opens. Bette walks in, sunglasses on, purse on her shoulder, cell phone in her hand, earbud in her ear. She's on the phone with someone.] Bette: (chuckles) Sorry I'm late. [She closes the door and continues the conversation.] Bette: (phone) James? (takes off sunglasses) Yeah, I gotta go in a minute. [Dan watches Bette.] Bette: (phone) Nononono, the art work is way too delicate, it's being flown in from Paris, and Annie is already a total and complete nervous wreck. [Dan looks at Tina. Tina smiles at Dan, then looks at Bette with a smile, shaking her head a little] Bette: (phone) Just call Adam's Fine Art Movers. (sighs exasperated) Tell them if they want to do business with C.A.C. again... exactly. Okay, great. Thanks. Bye. [Bette ends the call and closes the phone. She looks at Tina and smiles, pulling the earbud out of her ear. She goes to sit next to her.] [Dan smiles and stands out of courtesy.] Bette: (sitting) O-kay! Here I am! [Bette quickly pats Tina's knee. Dan smiles and relaxes into his chair as Bette fumbles around with her keys, sunglasses and phone.] Dan: So. INT. - TIM'S CAR - A BOULEVARD - DAY [Tim is driving Jenny back to his home. He's pointing out the sights as they go. Scenes show the hills, the cars on the streets, the shopping centers, billboards, traffic lights.] Tim: We are heading north right now, towards the Hollywood Hills. A little further to the right is the Hollywood sign. And uh, if you keep going all the way in that direction (points), you hit the Pacific Ocean. Jenny: Oh, can we go? Tim: Yeah, whenever you want. (a beat) As often as you want. [Tim pulls up to a stoplight. He and Jenny share a kiss. The light changes. Cars honk at Tim to go. Finally, he does.] INT. - DAN FOXWORTHY'S OFFICE - DAY [Dan is talking to Bette and Tina.] Dan: Do you want to tell me what the thinking is behind trying to have a child together when your sexual relationship has been pretty shitty for going on three years? Tina: It's not shitty. It may not be perfect, but — Bette: There's a lot more to a relationship than sex. Tina: We've been together for seven years. Dan: I know plenty of couples who still have sex after seven years. Bette: Well, it's not like we never have sex. Tina: A lot of heterosexual couples... [Bette's phone begins to buzz in her purse. Bette grabs it.] Tina: ... have children when their relationships aren't perfect. Bette: (looking at phone) You know, you just obviously don't understand what happens in a lesbian relationship. [The phone stops buzzing. Bette puts it back in her purse.] Bette: (to Tina) I knew this was a bad idea. (to Dan) It's just, I - I don't believe that a straight, male therapist can possibly understand. Dan: Early sex is passionate. It's illicit, exciting, still has that - ("gasps") - factor, but... very quickly, a kind of symbiosis develops. [Tina shifts on the couch, trying to listen; Bette's body language says she thinks he's full of shit.] Dan: It especially happens between two women who are doing the work of making a serious commitment to one another. And when that merging occurs, the intense mutual dependency can be a deterrent to sexual intimacy. Tina: (smiling, nodding) Oh my god. The lesbian urge to merge. Dan: We have to stop now. Bette: (relieved) Oh! [Bette gets her purse and things. Dan gets up to go to his desk.] Dan: Do you want to schedule another session? [Tina opens her mouth.] Bette: Uh, we'll let you know, I think Tina and I need to talk. Dan: What about this insemination? Tina: Uh, that's not up for discussion. Dan: Not up for discussion? Tina: (defensive) No. It's not. I quit my job. [Dan comes back to his chair.] Tina: I was a pretty successful development executive. Now I want to relax and prepare my body for pregnancy. That's what I'm doing. I'm ready to start a family. (looks at Bette) We're both ready to start a family. Right? Bette: (looks back at Tina) Absolutely. Tina: Right. (chuckles) [Dan nods.] Bette: Okay. Great. [Bette gets her things and pats Tina on the knee again before getting up for the door. Tina follows.] INT. - TIM'S CAR - A BOULEVARD - DAY [Tim and Jenny are driving to Tim's house. They turn by a sign that says "The Crescent at West Hollywood" and make their way up a pleasant, tree-lined suburban street, where people are out enjoying the day, walking their dogs, waving to each other, children are playing, elderly couples are holding hands.] Tim: So this is it. Jenny: I can't believe this is our home, Tim! It's very traditional. Tim: Wait'll you get to know it. Jenny: What do you mean? EXT. - TIM'S (and now JENNY'S) HOUSE - DAY [Tim is helping Jenny with her bags out of the trunk. They walk to the front door of their house.] Tim: It's just uh... not as traditional as you might think. INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - DAY Tim: So, here's your new home. Jenny: I can't believe I'm finally here. This has been the longest six months in history, Tim. Tim: Yeah but your studio's finally ready. [Tim opens the back door and they go out to the backyard.] EXT. - TIM & JENNY'S BACKYARD - DAY [An old garage sits in the backyard.] Jenny: (gasps) (a beat) Okay, so this used to be a garage! Tim: Til a few days ago. I did a remodel on it for you. [Jenny looks at Tim.] Tim: Go on. Try it out, go on! [Tim watches Jenny anxiously as she runs into the garage.] Jenny: (in garage) Oh my god! [Tim laughs.] Jenny: (in garage) I love it! Tim: I have to go, allright? I'll be back soon. INT. - SEAN'S WORKSHOP - DAY [Sean, Bette and Tina's friend who is going to donate sperm to them, guides them up the stairs to his loft workshop where he does all his paintings. There are bold, modern art paintings everywhere.] Sean: What a fuckin' auspicious occasion! Bette: I'd love to break open a bottle of champagne but I've gotta get back to work sometime today. [The three stand in the center of the room, smiling. Bette hands Sean a plastic specimen cup. Sean and Bette chuckle; Sean kisses Bette and Tina on the cheeks happily.] Tina: (chuckles) Sorry it's not more enticing. Sean: Hey, don't worry, I do this all the time. [Sean heads to the back with the cup. Bette and Tina wander around, looking at his work.] Bette: (whispering) I love his new work! He's using paint so much more freely. Tina: (whispering) Yeah, I don't remember his work having this much texture. [Sean begins to moan and grunt heavily. Bette and Tina look at each other humorously, making faces at the noises.] INT. BETTE'S CAR. - A BOULEVARD - DAY [Bette is on the phone again. She has the earbud in her ear, a drink in one hand and the steering wheel in the other. Tina sits in the passenger seat quietly sipping on her own drink.] Bette: (phone) I don't want you to be stressed out, Annie. I - I know this is your first time curating for me, and I'm going to give you a lot of support. (a beat) [Bette glances at Tina.] Bette: (phone) Hey, listen, this'll lighten your load. Guess what Tina has between her legs? [Tina smiles just a little.] Bette: (phone) (laughs) Close. A jar of Sean Heaney's sperm. I kid you not. She's keeping it warm. Well, supposedly once it's been ejaculated, it survives longer if you keep it at body temperature. Huh? Oh. Hold on a second. [Bette grabs the specimen cup from between Tina's legs and holds it up so she can see it.] Bette: (phone) Uh, it's only about half an inch but they say it's quality, not quantity. [Tina grabs for the specimen cup but Bette holds it from her playfully before finally yielding it.] Bette: (phone) God, it's repugnant, I can't believe I used to swallow that stuff. INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY [Jenny is walking around, getting her writing stuff set up. She plugs in her laptop at the desk.] [Somewhere nearby, a door is heard.] Shane: (offscreen) Yeah, Tina said I could swim here whenever. [Jenny looks up, and walks outside to see who it is.] EXT. - TIM AND JENNY'S BACKYARD - DAY [Jenny walks to the fence. Shane and a blonde girl are in Bette and Tina's backyard, preparing to get in their pool. Shane takes off her shirt. Jenny looks away, then kneels and peeks through the fence.] Shane: (to blonde girl) They're uptight at the Chateau. Blonde girl: How are they uptight? Shane: They don't let you swim naked. Blonde girl: It is a public pool. [Shane takes off the rest of her clothes and dives into the pool. The blonde girl strips down and walks into the pool. She and Shane swim to each other in the middle and begin kissing.] [Jenny is still watching through the fence. Shane and the girl swim to the edge, kissing. Shane faces the girl away from her and the girl begins to arch her back and moan. Jenny watches, but looks away after a moment.] INT. - DOCTOR WILSON'S OFFICE - EXAM ROOM - DAY [Tina is lying on an examination table with her feet in stirrups. Bette stands next to her.] [The doctor stands up from her chair, specimen cup in hand.] Doctor Wilson: Allright, I'm going to take a look at this and while I'm gone... well, you remember how I told you that there's a fair amount of evidence now it's more likely to take if you're aroused. [Bette looks a tiny bit put off at the suggestion. The doctor turns the light off and winks at Bette then leaves the room. Bette turns toward Tina.] Bette: (laughs) She's not serious! Am I supposed to fuck you, right here? Tina: I think it would help. [Bette smiles and sighs, then walks around to the end of the table and sits between Tina's legs. Still smiling, she sighs again as she lifts the paper drape covering Tina and ducks underneath. Tina closes her eyes, then puts her hand on Bette's head, through the paper. The paper crinkles as Bette moves. Tina sighs, relaxing.] [Bette laughs and comes up from under the paper.] Bette: (laughing) This is just... this is, this is too weird for me, I mean, I - I - I just - y'know, I really - frankly, I find it incredibly inappropriate that she even suggested that, you know, I bet she would never do that with a straight couple! [Tina gives her a look. She nods at her to get back to work. Bette purses her lips and ducks back under the paper.] [After a moment, someone knocks at the door. Bette comes up from under the paper, wiping her mouth. Tina sighs again.] Bette: Come in! [Dr. Wilson opens the door.] Doctor Wilson: (to Bette) Could you come here a minute, please? [Bette sighs and looks at Tina. Tina rolls her eyes a little. Bette stands, kisses Tina on the knee and walks out of the room. Tina throws her hands up.] INT. - DOCTOR WILSON'S OFFICE - LAB - DAY [Bette follows Dr. Wilson into the lab. Dr. Wilson points out a computer monitor.] Doctor Wilson: You might want to take a look at this. [Bette leans down to look at the monitor, upon which is shown Sean's sperm sample under a microscope. Only a few of the sperm are barely moving.] Bette: Shouldn't they be moving more? Doctor Wilson: Yeah. That's what I wanted to show you. I am so sorry to tell you, but that stuff wouldn't get anyone pregnant. Those little fellas just don't have what it takes. [Bette stands up, looking unhappy.] INT. - LAURELWOOD FARMS MARKET - DAY [Neighborhood grocery store. Jenny carries a basket of groceries to a check-out. The cashier wears a button that says "Positions Available - Ask Me!"] Jenny: Hello. Cashier: Hi. Jenny: What kind of, um, positions do you have available because I might be looking for a job. Cashier: Oh, um, cashier. Jenny: Really? Cashier: Yep. Jenny: Excellent. Um, could I have an application? Cashier: Yeah. Jenny: Great. INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Tina walks in and heads for the table where Alice and Dana sit. Alice jumps up to greet Tina.] Alice: (offscreen, whispering) There she is, there she is. (onscreen, to Tina) Ah, your ladyship! Please! Don't jar anything. Dana: It's not like it's gonna dislodge if she sits down too hard, Alice. Tina: (sitting) There's nothing to dislodge. Sean's sperm is lackluster. [Alice gasps.] Tina:: He's low-motility. No motility, actually. Alice: Oh, my god. You would never know it by the way he fucks. Dana: Oh, Christ, Alice! When are you gonna make up your mind between dick and pussy, and spare us the gory bisexual details, please. Alice: Well, for your information, Dana, I am looking for the same qualities in a man as I am in a woman. Dana: (to Tina, gesturing) Big tits. Tina: Anyway, it explains why I haven't gotten pregnant after six months. Alice: Oh, sorry Tee, he was the perfect donor. Tina: He was the one who Bette wanted. But my egg just implanted, so I could still conceive any time over the next two or three days. So you gotta help me find another donor. [Marina walks to the table and sits.] Marina: Hold on, now, what's the matter? [Alice and Dana sigh.] Dana: Sean's jism is no good. [Marina pats Tina's arm.] Marina: Oh, well, find you someone else! Tina: Who? I've got two days. Marina: Well, between the four of us, we'll come up with someone. What, he has to be healthy, strong, creative, handsome... Tina: Artistic. [Shane enters the cafe.] Dana: There's always Shane. [Shane makes her way over to their table and takes off her sunglasses. She's dressed in a shirt with cutoff sleeves and her hair is messy.] Shane: Guys! Alice: Hey! Dana: Y'know, do you have to dress like that all the time? [Shane looks down at her own clothing.] Shane: Like what? Dana: Well, I wouldn't be seen on the street with you. Shane: Yeah? Dana: I mean, every single thing about the way you're dressed, like, screams dyke. [Alice looks at Dana pointedly.] Alice: God, Dana. Shane: Sorry, man. Dana: What, look, if I'm outed, I'm screwed, Alice, allright? Sponsors aren't exactly clamoring to have their stuff repped by big ol' lezzie tennis players.... [Alice rolls her eyes and looks up.] Dana: ... What? Shane: No, no, no, look, it's cool, I totally dig you need to make a living. (picks up her drink) I'm meeting a client anyway. [Shane walks off. Alice looks at Dana.] Alice: Y'know, you are gonna pickle in that self-loathing homophobia, I swear. Dana: Well you know you're gonna shrivel in that self-righteous priggishness. Tina: You guys. Alice: Allright. (to Tina) Who would squirt into a jar for you? [Someone outside catches Dana's eye. She raises a brow.] Dana: (mock British accent) Hello. [It's Jenny, going home from the grocery store. Everyone turns to look.] Dana: What! Alice: You are just so gay. Tina: (rolling eyes) So gay. [Dana slumps a little, tossing up a hand.] Dana: I know. (a beat) I know. INT. - TIM & JENNY'S LIVINGROOM - NIGHT [Jenny and Tim are on the couch facing each other, being intimate, kissing, touching each other. Jenny sits on Tim's lap.] Jenny: (seductive) Do you, uh, do you know the neighbors next door? [They kiss.] Tim: Bette and Tina? Jenny: Yeah. Are they, um, a gay couple? Tim: Yeah, they are. Jenny: 'Cause I saw them having sex in their pool this afternoon. Tim: No way, not Bette and Tina. Jenny: What, they don't have sex? Tim: No, probably they do, it's just that ... you sure you saw them gettin' down? [Jenny takes his shirt off.] Jenny: I saw them getting way down, Tim. Tim: Is that right. Jenny: Mm-hmm. Tim: Why don't you tell me about it. Jenny: Okay. [They kiss.] Jenny: There was this girl... with short black hair. [Jenny pulls off his undershirt.] Jenny: And she walks out, and she takes off her clothes in, like, two seconds flat. Tim: Yeah? Jenny: Yeah. [Tim pulls Jenny's shirt off.] Tim: Like this? Jenny: I think it was a little bit faster. Tim: Oh, really. Jenny: Yeah, I do. Tim: We'll work on that. Jenny: Okay. And then there was, um, this blonde girl... who had these really beautiful breasts. Tim: (smiling) Oh, really. Jenny: I wasn't really watching that closely. Tim: Oh, I think you were watching. (a beat) (whispering) Very closely. What'd they do next? [Tim slips his hands under Jenny's bra.] Jenny: (whispering) The tough, skinny one takes the blonde, vampy one... [Tim kisses Jenny's breast.] Jenny: ... backs her against the side of the pool... and then she begins to fuck her. [Tim turns them over so that Jenny is sitting on the couch and he's kneeling between her legs. He pulls off both their pants.] Tim: Like this? [They start having sex.] Jenny: Ah, fuck. [music] EXT. - SWIMMING POOL - DAY [A line of female swimmers dives into the pool. Their coach, Tim, stands off to the side with a clipboard in hand. He blows his whistle.] EXT. - SWIMMING POOL - NEAR LOCKER ROOMS - DAY [A swimmer, Trish, is wrapping herself in a towel. Tim and his assistant coach, Randy, stand nearby.] Randy: Trish! Trish: Hey. Randy: Your backstroke is looking much better. Trish: Thanks! Randy: Looking good for U.S.C. (to Tim) Uh, you guys got some extra stroke time scheduled? Tim: Uh, yeah, (to Trish) tomorrow after physics, right? Trish: Yeah. (to Tim) Hey, do you think that maybe you could come with me in the morning to talk to Durst about repeating my midterm? Tim: I can't really do it in the morning. Um, my girlfriend Jenny is in town. She wants me to take her car shopping. [Trish walks with Tim toward the building.] Trish: Oh, she's moving here? Tim: Yep, she's in it for the long haul. (smiles) Trish: Oh. [Trish walks on without Tim.] Tim: Trish! [Trish turns around] Tim: Maybe after practice you and I can go talk to Durst together. Trish: (tosses up a hand) Okay. [Trish walks off. Tim turns around. Randy laughs at him and puts a hand on his shoulder.] Randy: Yeah. Now you know you just broke that girl's heart, right? Tim: Sorry, man, what was I supposed to do? Randy: Ohh... INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Bette and Tina walk in. Bette runs over to Dana, who's sitting at a table with Alice and Shane.] Bette: (to Dana) God, is that Dana Fairbanks at The Planet in West Hollywood? [Dana feigns mock surprise and smiles.] Alice: Shh! She doesn't want her tennis fans to know she's a gay lady! [Everyone laughs but Dana. Bette and Tina seat themselves at the table.] Dana: (serious) Funny. (to Bette and Tina) Okay, fine. What do you guys think about butt waxing? Tina: Who has hair on their butt? Bette: I don't know. [Everyone's very quiet. Suddenly, Dana gasps and points at Alice.] Dana: Alice! Alice: At least I don't anymore. Shane: Man, why don't you just trim it? Bette: Listen you guys (standing to leave), you're going to have to figure this all out without the benefit of my wisdom. Alice: Oh! Bette, Tina, guess what! I had a genius idea. I have solved your donor problem! You two are having a party this Saturday night, and we are inviting all of the eligible men that we know. Dana: Oh yeah, that's right, all two of them. Shane: Oh, yeah. Get them all together, at one time. Alice: Right! You just go fishin' in the pond! Bette: (amused) Great. [Tina looks up at Bette.] Tina: Great! Bette: I'm leaving now. (waves) Alice: Allright. I'm gonna call ya about that! Bette: Okay. [Bette leaves.] Dana: Back to my question, please. Alice: Okay. Trimming is essential. Y'know? You just do it a few days before you get laid. Assuming you ever do. [Dana promptly turns to Alice and gives her "the finger".] Tina: Whatever you do, you have to deal with it. Otherwise, you'll never have bush confidence. [Shane winks at Dana. Dana knits her brow at her.] Tina: If you don't have bush confidence, you won't feel good about your bush. And you'll never get laid. Alice: So deal with it. Dana: (reluctant) Okay. INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY [Jenny is pacing, notebook in hand. She stops and goes outside, to the fence that overlooks Bette and Tina's pool.] EXT. TIM & JENNY'S BACKYARD - DAY [Jenny stands at the fence. Tina, tending her garden, pops up on the other side.] Tina: Do you need any rosemary? [Tina is gardening by the fence.] Tina: It's kinda taking over my garden. [Jenny is a little bit startled.] Jenny: (smiling) Oh, hi. Tina: Did I scare you? I'm sorry. Jenny: No, no, no, not at all. I'm Jenny. Tina: I'm Tina. [They shake hands over the fence.] Jenny: It's nice to meet you. Um, I would love some rosemary. [Tina motions for her to come around.] EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S BACKYARD - DAY [Tina and Jenny are sitting in the yard, talking.] Jenny: I have this story that I've written called, um, "Thus Spoke Sarah Schuster." I feel like that's, like, the last story that I ever want to write about being a student. Tina: Oh, you might change your mind when you get older. I'm actually thinking about going back to school. I'd like a new career. Jenny: You should do it. Tina: Yeah? Jenny: Yeah. Tina: Maybe in a couple of years. But right now I'm, uh, trying to have a baby. Jenny: Ah! Really? But Tim said that you and... Bette? Tina: Yeah. Jenny: Were a couple. Tina: We are. Jenny: Oh... Tina: And we're trying to get pregnant. Jenny: (embarrassed) Oh, my god, yes, no, yes. (stands) Tina: (smiling) Well, everything still works. Jenny: Yes! Tina: We can still have a baby. Jenny: It's just like... (embarrassed) there was like a momentary brain lapse. (giggles) [Tina waves to someone nearby. A group of men, with babies in baby carriers strapped to their chests and backs, go walking past on the sidewalk. They wave at Tina.] Tina: (to guys) Hey guys! Guys: Hey! Tina: (to Jenny) Gay dad's group. Jenny: (excited) Oh, my god... Tina: They meet once a week at a house over on Ogden. It's all very L.A., huh? Jenny: (sincere) No, it's nice. (a beat) Um, I should go home and write. Tina: Okay. (chuckles) Jenny: (nods) Okay. Thank you very much for the rosemary. Tina: You're welcome. [Jenny starts to walk back] Tina: We're having a party tomorrow night. Jenny: Oh yeah? Tina: You and Tim should come. Jenny: Okay. I'll ask Tim if he wants to. Nice meeting you. Tina: It's nice to meet you, too, Jenny. Jenny: Bye. [Jenny leaves. Tina stands.] EXT. - A BUSY BOULEVARD - NIGHT [A cop pulls over an older car. It's Kit, Bette's older half-sister.] [Kit sighs and takes off her sunglasses and rolls down the window. The policeman approaches and shines a flashlight in her face.] Kit: (smiling) Hey! What do you have to say for yourself, huh? Cop: May I see your license and registration? Kit: Look, I really gotta be — Cop: Ma'am. Kit: Okay. A'ight. Hang on, hang on. [Kit reaches over to the glovebox and pulls out the info for the cop.] Kit: Y'know, I was on my way to my first paying gig in over a year. [She hands him her license and registration. He looks it over and heads back to his cruiser.] INT. - BETTE AND TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT [There's a party going on. Lots of people are there, mostly women. Music plays in the background.] [A couple of women are conversing in the corner.] Woman #1: You are so overreacting, she is our friend. Woman #2: Oh! Like that's ever stopped you before. [Bette and Alice pass by them.] Bette: Like that's ever stopped anyone before. Alice: Right. Lesbians think friendship's another word for foreplay. [Shane comes in the door. She and Tina hug.] Shane: Hello! How ya doing? Tina: Hey! Bette: (watching Shane and Tina) Have you ever noticed that every time Shane walks into a room, someone leaves crying? [A blonde girl, Lacey, taps Shane on the shoulder. Shane turns around.] Lacey: Shane? Shane: Yeah? Hey! Lacey: Hey, how come you didn't call me the other night? I left like... 5 messages. [Bette and Tina watch from the corner.] Shane: Oh, well I ... you know, I haven't had my cell phone, so... when I go get my cell phone and I check my messages, I will call you. (smiles) Allright. It was good to see you, though! Lacey: (walking off) Mm-hmm. Shane: Take care. [Shane watches as Lacey walks away.] [Lacey grabs the front door handle and yanks the door open to run out, nearly running into Tim and Jenny, who are coming in.] Lacey: That's just wrong, you just can't treat people like that! (to Jenny) You have to tell Shane that that's just not right. Jenny: (wary) Okay, I'll tell her... [Lacey brushes past them and leaves the party. Tim smiles. They go inside. Tina meets them.] Jenny: Hi. Tina: Hi, welcome. [Tina greets them with a kiss on the cheek] Tina: Everyone, I want you to meet our nextdoor neighbors. [Bette, Shane and Alice look up to see Jenny and Tim.] Bette: Oh, hi. Tina: This is Tim. Bette: Oh, and this must be — Tim: Jenny. Bette: Nice to meet you. Bette. [Bette and Jenny shake hands.] Jenny: Nice to meet you. Tina: And Alice Pieszecki, and Shane McCutcheon. [Alice and Jenny shake hands. Shane raises her brows at Jenny.] [Tim spots Dana standing a few feet away.] Tim: (to Dana) Excuse me. Are you... Dana Fairbanks? [Dana turns around, caught unaware.] Dana: I'm sorry, what? Tim: Dana Fairbanks. Dana: Yes! I am. [Tim and Dana shake hands. Tim gushes like a schoolboy.] Tim: I'm a huge fan. Dana: Really! Tim: I saw you almost beat Capriati last year at the Women's Invitational. Alice: (to Shane, re: Dana) Great, she's gonna be insufferable. Shane: (to Dana) Oh, god. It's just one fan, it's okay. Tim: Jenny, this is, um, Dana Fairbanks. [While Tim is introducing her, Dana snags a nearby guy and pulls him over to her side. Dana and Jenny shake hands.] Jenny: Hi. Tim: She's one of the best players in the women's tennis circuit right now. Dana: (chuckles) This is my doubles partner, Harrison Landy. (to Harrison) Um, honey... [Bette and Tina watch the exchange with amusement.] Dana: This is... Tim: Tim. [Tim and Harrison shake hands.] Dana: Tim and Jenny. Tim: Good to meet you. Harrison: Hi, Jenny. [Jenny and Harrison shake hands.] Jenny: Nice to meet you. [A couple of girls grab Shane's hand and look at it.] Shane: What the hell are you doing? Girl #1: Field research. Girl #2: Yeah, there's a scientist at the National Enquirer who says that if your ring finger is longer than your index finger, it means you're a lesbian. [Bette, Tina, and everybody else start looking at their own hands.] Girl #3: Yeah. (holding up hand) Totally gay. Girl #1: Has there ever been any doubt? Tina: Oh, my god, look, I'm gay too. Bette: (kissing Tina's hand) Thank god, because otherwise I'd have to leave you. [Dana looks unhappy.] Girl #2: Okay, Alice makes the team, but just barely. Tim: (clears throat) This may be controversial, but it... seems like I may be a lesbian, too. [Everyone laughs.] [Girl #3 grabs Jenny's hand.] Girl #3: Huh, that's so weird. Her index finger and ring finger are exactly the same length. Tina: What does that mean? Alice: Maybe she's bisexual. [Tim laughs.] Tina: Oh, look, there's Simon Bonham. Bette: Dana, Harrison, can you make Tim and Jenny a drink for me? [Shane catches the eye of a blonde girl across the room. They exchange a glance.] Dana: Yeah, sure. Sure, sure, sure, sure. (to Tim) Uh, drinks? Kitchen? Tim: Yeah. Great. Harrison: So, Tim, do you play tennis? 'Cause I'm always looking for a little action. Tim: Uh... Dana: Okay, drinks. Tim: Actually, uh, I'm a swim coach. Harrison: Oh. EXT. - A BUSY BOULEVARD - NIGHT [The cop brings Kit back her license.] Cop: According to our computer, ma'am, this license was revoked six months ago. Kit: Well, that's would I would call a technicality. Cop: If you want to get technical, I should haul you downtown and throw you in jail. Kit: I was on my way to a gig at the Roxy! Yeah, uh, you know Ivan Neville, he's on the bill with me, well he and I were gonna check out a AA meeting together. Cop: Ivan Neville of the... Neville Brothers? Kit: Yeah. Cop: God, I love the Neville Brothers! Kit: Uh, oh, well, have you ever seen them in concert? Cop: Once. Years ago. Back when I was stationed in New Orleans, I mean... Kit: Ohh, well have you ever been on stage, five feet away from Aaron and his brothers performing? Say, like, a... uh, a month from now at the House of Blues? You know, I could hook you up. Cop: Allright, look. (hands license back) This is still revoked. Allright? We have to leave the car. [Kit gets out of the car] INT. - BETTE AND TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Back at the party. Shane and the girl she saw at the party are against the wall, heavily making out. Dana is making drinks. Harrison is sitting on a table next to her, sipping on a Cosmo. Tim and Jenny stand nearby. Jenny watches Shane and the girl kissing.] Jenny: (to Tim, re: Shane) Wow. This is very - a very interesting party. Dana: Oh, that's because Bette's a big art world lady. So there are a lot of artists. [Shane winks at Jenny.] Jenny: Yeah, there are a lot of, uh... Harrison: Lezzies? Dana: Really? (to Tim/Jenny) Are there really? You know, I hadn't noticed that. Tim: Yeah, it's kinda hard to miss. Jenny: (to Tim) Uh, Tina told me that she and Bette are thinking about having a baby. Tim: Mm-hmm. Harrison: Oh, there's a lot of that going around. (laughs) They even had to change that famous joke. It used to be: What do lesbians bring on a second date? [Dana starts mixing the drinks a little more fervently.] Harrison: A moving van. Now, it's: What do lesbians bring on a second date? A turkey baster. [Tim and Jenny are a little amused, but don't get it. Dana laughs out of nervousness. Harrison is laughing so hard he can't catch his breath.] Dana: (laughing) That's so funny. Honey, I don't even know why you'd know that joke. (to Tim/Jenny) Who's he been hanging out with, huh? [Dana smacks Harrison with a bar towel and he spills part of his drink on himself, still laughing.] Dana: (to Tim/Jenny) Excuse me. [Dana marches over to Bette and Tina, who are in the middle of a pitch to a potential sperm donor, Simon.] Dana: Excuse me (to Simon) I'm sorry. (to Tina) What were you thinking? Tina: Excuse me, Simon. (to Dana) What was I thinking, what? Dana: For inviting those geeky straight people (to Simon), I'm sorry, no offense. (to Tina) I mean, I've gotta hang on Harrison all night like some big, fat hetero. Bette: Excuse me, Dana? (takes Dana's hand) We really love you, but, it's not our cross to bear that you and Harrison have decided to masquerade as Ozzie and Harriet. (pats hand) K? [Dana rolls her eyes and storms off.] Bette: Sorry, Simon. So, what was I saying? Tina: Commitment. Bette: Oh, commitment. Uh, we wouldn't expect any kind of committment from you, financial or otherwise, I mean really you wouldn't even have to know the child if you... didn't... Tina: Oh, it'd be nice if you wanted to have, I mean, we'd like it if our donor had a relationship with our child. Bette: But you'd have to sign a donor contract, relinquishing all parental rights — Simon: Whoa, Bette. Tina. Slow down. I... don't want you to waste your breath. Bette: Why? Simon: I'm flattered. Totally flattered. But... I just couldn't handle it. I mean... what happens when this kid turns 17, his life's a complete mess, hates both of your guts and next thing I know he's camped out on my doorstep, asking me to save him from his miserable fucking life. (laughs) I can't do that. [Bette and Tina smile and laugh at each other.] ELSEWHERE AT THE PARTY - [Alice and Jenny are on a couch, talking about writing. Alice seems very interested in Jenny.] Alice: Best first fiction? Jenny: Yes. Alice: Wow. Isn't that like a major prize? Jenny: Um, I guess so. Alice: So, um, what's, what's the, uh, story about? Jenny: I have this, uh, this character that I write about that's sort of like this alter ego but not really, um, and the story is called "Thus Spoke Sarah Schuster." [Marina comes around and sits on the arm of the couch] Marina: That's pretty bold. I hope you're good. [Jenny smiles at her.] Alice: Um, Jenny, this is Marina. She owns The Planet. It's a little cafe down on Santa Monica. Jenny: Yeah, I, I walked by the other day but it was too crowded so I didn't go in. Marina: It gets really crowded, thanks to Alice who wrote me up in her magazine. Alice: (laughing) (to Marina) Aw. Jenny: (to Alice) Are you a writer? Alice: Yeah, for L.A. Magazine? Yeah. More of a journalist. Little different from you. Jenny: (shy) I don't think it's different. Alice: (to Marina) Jenny just won this literary prize. It's really big, for... this story she was just talking about. [Marina raises a brow and nods at Jenny.] Alice: "Just Spoke" something? "Just"... Marina: Oh, "Thus Spoke Zarathustra". That's a Nietzsche reference. Jenny: (smiles) (nods) Yeah. Marina: Has your story been published? Jenny: Um — Alice: (to Jenny) Yes! It'll be in the next "Best American Short Stories," right? Which is, I don't know if I told you but I write a lot of "Best Of" pieces. Jenny: Oh, okay. Marina: That's where I discovered Amy Bloom, I read this beautiful story she wrote called, um... "Silver Water." Jenny: (smiling) "Come To Me." That's one of my favorite collections. I think that I've probably read everything that Amy Bloom has ever written. Alice: I'm about to start on this "Best Cosmetics Under $100." Jenny: Oh. Alice: I don't know. There's supposedly this guy in Calabasas that does these Botox injections for seventy five bucks a pop. Jenny: Isn't that illegal? [Marina puts her hand on Alice's shoulder and talks over her.] Marina: (to Jenny) Have you read anything by Anne Carson? Jenny: (blushing a little) "The Autobiography of Red." "Eros the Bittersweet." I think, um, those books practically changed my life. [Camera closeup of Jenny's lips] Jenny: What about you? Have you read them? Marina: (nods) Yes. Alice: Wow! (laughs) You guys should totally take the Cosmo romance compatibility quiz! Marina: (chuckling) Well, this would be my singular romantic compatibility question: What is your favorite — no, no no. Your most... influential, important, life-altering book, of all time. [Jenny and Marina stare at each other for a couple of moments, saying nothing.] Jenny: (a beat) (smiles) I don't know if I want to answer that. [Marina raises a brow.] Jenny: What's yours? Marina: I asked you first. Alice: I have an idea! (laughs) Jenny, you could whisper yours in this ear, and Marina you could whisper yours in this ear, and I'll tell ya if you're compatible. (chuckles) (mumbles) 'Cause I think I already know. [Marina leans forward and whispers into Alice's ear. Jenny leans forward and whispers into Alice's other ear. Alice then laughs.] Alice: Huh. Whatever. I'm just... gonna leave you two alone to get married! [Alice leaves, laughing.] Jenny: What did you say? Marina: What did you say? [Lots of closeups of both Marina's lips, Jenny's eyes... yep.] EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S BACKYARD - NIGHT [Bette and Tina are talking to another potential sperm donor, Robin.] Tina: Bette was set on an artist, but she says you have exquisite taste in the work that you show in your gallery. Bette: I do. Robin: Aw. You said that? [Bette nods, smiling.] Robin: Y'know, I gotta tell ya, I couldn't be more flattered. I know you two are gonna be wonderful mothers and I bet you'll have guys lining up around the block begging to jerk off for ya. [Bette sips her drink, chuckling.] Bette: Robin, are you setting us up for a turn down? Robin: Believe me, it's got nothing to do with you guys and I have no reservations about you two, it's my own genetic shortcomings which I wouldn't want to pass on to any child. I mean, look how bow-legged I am? It's a family trait. [Bette and Tina look down at his legs.] Tina: Oh, that's cute, we could live with that. Robin: I also carry the gene for buck teeth, my mother and my three sisters are all — Bette: (smiling) There are always braces. [Robin looks at them both.] Robin: We also have the propensity for shingles. Early onset manic depression. Bette: Both treatable. (smiles) Robin: Premature hair loss. Among the women, (gestures to his own bald head) as well as the men. It's... Tina: (gestures to her own hair) Oh, we could get one of those ... Bette: A weave. Robin: Also a hideous... tendency to drool? Tina: Okay. (smiles) Bette: We get the picture. Tina: We get it. Robin: (smiles) Okay. Tina: Yep. Bette: Thank you. Tina: Thanks, Robin. Robin: Sure. Sorry. Good luck. [Bette and Tina walk away.] EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S FRONT YARD - NIGHT [The cop is helping Kit out of his cruiser.] Cop: I'm really sorry you missed your gig. You know what to do about your car? Kit: Yeah. Yeah, don't go beating yourself up over it. [The cop gets Kit's things out of the backseat.] Kit: You are one decent human being, and that's rare in this soulless town. Keep it real! Cop: Allright. [Kit enters the house.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Kit enters the party.] Alice: No way! Kit! Hi! [Alice hugs Kit.] Kit: Hey, girl, whassup? How you doin'? Alice: Come in! Welcome! Kit: Yeah, thanks, girl. ELSEWHERE AT THE PARTY — [Jenny walks to the bathroom door in a small hallway, and stands, waiting her turn. Marina comes around the corner.] Jenny: Hey. Marina: There you are. [Marina stands by the door, facing Jenny.] Jenny: I'm just waiting for the wash room. [Marina stares at Jenny; Jenny smiles. Someone comes out of the bathroom.] Jenny: (to Marina) D'you wanna... use... [Marina smiles and gestures for Jenny to go on in. Jenny does. Two seconds later, Marina opens the door and goes in, too.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - NIGHT [Marina walks up to Jenny and puts her arm around her waist and pulls her to her. She kisses her.] [Jenny is hesitant. Marina backs her against a wall. After a moment, Jenny pulls Marina against her, but then suddenly breaks off the kiss and backs out of the bathroom. Marina frowns.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Tim is talking to a guy named Jeremy Block.] Jeremy: You were on the Olympic swim team? Tim: Yeah. I was. Jeremy: This is amazing. I have a project in development about competitive swimming but we haven't been able to crack the story. Would you be interested? [The guy hands Tim his card.] Tim: Uh... there is this one incredibly dramatic thing that happened. When I was swimming for U of Chicago... Jeremy: Right. Tim: ... We had this one guy on the team that was probably the best swimmer I have ever — [Jenny comes up from behind Tim.] Jenny: Take me home. Tim: (a beat) Jen, I want you to meet — Jenny: I want you to take me home, now. (to conversants) Excuse me. Jeremy: Yeah, sure. Tim: Uh... obviously I... have to... go. It was... good talking to you. Jeremy: Sure, you too, thank you. ELSEWHERE AT THE PARTY - [Alice and Bette cross paths.] Alice: Okay. Is your sister like the coolest person on earth, or what? [Bette leans over to see Kit in another part of the house, dancing. Tina comes up behind Bette.] Tina: What's Kit doing here? Bette: Your guess is as good as mine. [Bette heads over there.] INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT [Tim and Jenny go into their bedroom. The music from the party at Bette and Tina's can be heard.] Tim: Jen, I was in the middle of a conversation. Do you wanna at least tell me what's going on? Jenny: (uneasy) I felt weird. Tim: That's pretty vague, Jen, even for you. You felt weird. [Tim takes his shirt off and sits on the bed to take off his shoes. Jenny approaches him and kneels, and unzips his pants.] Tim: What are you... ? Jen, come on. We need to talk. Jen, what are you doing? [Jenny starts to give him head. After a few moments, he stops her and raises her chin to him.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Kit is getting a bottle of something out of the fridge. Bette approaches her.] Bette: Are you going to tell me why you're not at your gig at the Roxy? Kit: Well, that was something I came over here to tell you. Jeremy: Bette, you never told me that Kit Porter was your sister. Wow. (chuckles) Bette: My half-sister. Kit: Guess which half. Jeremy: That is extremely cool. Uh, Jeremy Block. I said hi earlier. I saw you play a couple years ago at the Hollywood Roosevelt. You're — you're awesome. Kit: Oh, thank you, you're very kind. Jeremy: No, you really were. We're putting together the soundtrack for a picture I'm producing, We're working with a bunch of classic jazz and blues ladies and I guarantee he will completely dig you. Kit: Well, I was about to get into something here with my baby sister... Bette: I'm sure it can wait. I've got a house full of people. Jeremy: Well, come on. Party's in the back room at Les Deux. Kit: (to Bette) Are you sure? Bette: It's a potential gig, you should definitely go. Kit: Okay. [Kit and Jeremy leave.] INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT [Tim and Jenny are naked, on the bed, kissing. Tim rolls on top of Jenny. They start having sex.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT [The party is over, everyone's gone home. Tina and Bette are sitting on one end of the couch together. Alice sits on the other end. Dana and Harrison sit in a couple of chairs opposite them. Next to them sits the girl Shane was making out with earlier.] Bette: (yawns) What an ego bruiser. Three turn-downs in one night. Tina: Is there something wrong with our pitch? [Shane comes around the corner and sits down in the chair with the girl from earlier.] Shane: It has nothing to do with you guys. You know, it's the... it's the new male. Dana: What? What do you know about men, I mean, you've never even been with a man. Shane: Well, the new male is more spiritual than the old male. He seems his sperm as an extension of his inner being, whereas the old male shot into any female without thinking about what would happen. The new male totally cares what becomes of his seed. Alice: Oh, my god, it's Yoda. Dana: Yeah, they teach that at hairdresser school, by the way. Bette: Well that's just great. Why do they have to go all sensitive on us just when we need them to keep on being the same old assholes. Shane: I don't know. Allright. Yeah, we're gonna go. Tina: Ohh. Shane: Goodnight, you guys. [Everyone says 'bye'; Shane and her companion leave.] Alice: She's totally going home with that girl. [Harrison is drunk. He puts his arms around Dana.] Harrison: I'm sorry.... [Dana pushes him away.] Dana: (grouchy) Oh, my god, get off me, Harrison, the party's over! You can go back to being gay. Alice: (standing) I gotta go. You guys need help cleaning up? Tina: We got it. Bette: Yeah, somebody's coming in tomorrow. Dana: Goodnight, you guys. Tina: Goodnight. [Bette and Tina get up to say goodnight. Harrison stumbles away; Alice and Dana hug Tina and leave. Bette waves bye and closes the door.] INT. - THE GARAGE - MORNING [Jenny is sleeping on the couch. Tim comes in and sits on the edge. Jenny wakes up.] Jenny: (groggy) Mmm. Oh, shit. Tim: How long have you been out here? Jenny: Mmm. I couldn't sleep last night. And you were totally out. Tim: Yeah, well (clears throat), somebody wore me out. Jenny: I came up here... around three o'clock... in the morning... and then I started to write. And that was so scary. Tim: It's a whole new place, Jen. It's just going to take you a while to find your groove. Jenny: Yeah. [Tim climbs over Jenny and lays down next to her. He reaches his hand under her shirt.] Tim: You know, you never told me why you were so upset last night. Jenny: Um... 'cause I was just a little drunk. I hope I didn't ruin your night. Tim: I think it turned out pretty well. Don't you think? Jenny: Yeah. [She pulls his hand away and rolls over. He snuggles up to her.] INTERSTITIAL - SCENES OF L.A. [A crowded boulevard; a bus; a person riding a bicycle.] INT. - SPINNING CLASS - DAY [A roomful of women, decked in workout gear, sit atop stationary bikes and peddle like mad. Tina and Dana are among them. Music plays in the background.] Instructor: (yelling into a microphone) Okay everybody, let's get those butts up, out of the saddle and get on the road! Tina: (to Dana) The fucking party made me so depressed. We have to wait a whole month before another insemination. Dana: Yeah, well at least you have somebody to wait with. [The instructor glares at Dana.] Dana: At least there's someone in bed with you when you wake up in the morning, you know? Instructor: (microphone) Now everyone. Drop your heads. Close your eyes and set your intentions. Why are you here? To gossip with your friends? [Tina and Dana look at each other.] Instructor: (microphone) Or to change your body? What do you want to get out of the next forty minutes? [The students start peddling harder.] Dana: (to Tina, re: Instructor) A good look at your spectacular tits would be nice. Tina: So go for it. Dana: No... besides, she's straight. Tina: How do you know? Dana: Because I'm so attracted to her. Everytime I'm attracted to somebody, she's either unavailable or straight. Instructor: (microphone) Dana! Tina: (to Dana) Shh! [Dana and Tina quit talking.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Music plays in the background. Jenny walks in. She sees Marina behind the counter. Tina turns around and nearly bumps into her.] Tina: Jenny! Jenny: Hey! Tina: Hey! Are you here by yourself? Jenny: Yeah, I am by myself. But I'm gonna go home and make a sandwich. Tina: No, no. We've got a table. Come sit with us. Jenny: Okay, okay. INT. - THE PLANET - TINA'S TABLE - DAY [Jenny sits at a table with Shane, Dana and Alice. As Jenny talks, Alice looks a little bored and Shane watches with amusement.] Jenny: This instructor recommended this workshop called "All Write", W-R-I-T-E, and this instructor meets with you and does this thing called body work, you know to help you get in touch with your inner voice... which I thought was weird! Alice: You know, you should check out my magazine, because we sometimes do these resource lists for the creative community. Jenny: (reaching in purse) Oh, okay. Alice: Or, uh, you know, UCLA might be your best bet. [Jenny pulls a small writing pad and pen out of her purse.] Jenny: (shaking head) No, I don't wanna... I don't wanna go back to school. But, what's the name of the — Alice: Marina has a reading group. You guys met the other night. [Marina strides up to the table.] Marina: (smiling) Hi, Jenny. Jenny: (smiling) Hey. [Tina looks at Alice with the barest hint of a mischievous smile, as Marina sits down next to Jenny.] Marina: So, how do you like The Planet? Jenny: It's beautiful. It's nice. [Dana rolls her eyes. She looks at Alice.] Marina: Do you want to come to my reading group? Jenny: Yes. Marina: That means I can read one of your stories. Jenny: No, you can read anything you want. You know. Anything. [Shane looks like she's about to crawl out of her skin. She suddenly sits upright.] Shane: Oh, shit, oh, god, it's late. Dana: You know, I, uh, I - I - I'm starting a new tour so I should go. Alice: Um, I'm gonna follow you guys out. (puts on sunglasses) Jenny, good luck. Jenny: Yes, thank you. Alice: Uh... I think you might have found what you were looking for. [Marina gives Alice a look.] Jenny: Bye, Alice. Tina: Uh-huh. It was good to see you. You'll be okay? Jenny: Yeah, I'm good. Marina: Of course she's okay. (to Jenny) You're okay, right? [Only Jenny and Marina remain at the table.] Jenny: No, I'm good. I'm good. I, uh, I... Marina: I hope I didn't upset you the other night. Jenny: (smiles) No. (a beat) You didn't upset me. [Marina smiles.] Jenny: I just, uh, I came here to say that I'm not, I... (shrugs and shakes her head) [Marina turns her head a little, trying to read Jenny's body language.] Jenny: (shrugs) I'm not... [Jenny shrugs her shoulders big, and Marina plays along, smiling.] Marina: A big coffee drinker? [Jenny lets her shoulders down and Marina laughs. They stare at each other for a few seconds.] Jenny: I have to go. Tim is gonna be home at five. So. Marina: But it — it's only two. Jenny: (shrugs) So... I — I need — [Marina touches Jenny's face.] Marina: Don't be upset. It's only two o'clock. Jenny: (smiling) I know, but I need to be there. When he calls. Okay? Marina: Okay. Jenny: Okay. Marina: I'll walk you to your car. Jenny: (a beat) Okay. Marina: Yeah? Jenny: Yeah. [Marina follows Jenny out.] EXT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Marina walks Jenny to Tim's car, parked by the curb a few feet away.] Jenny: Thank you. Marina: For what. Turning you into a speed freak? (getting to the car) Is this your car? Jenny: Yes, I mean, this is... this is Tim's car. It's embarrassing. Marina: A muscle car. It's sexy. (a beat) Are you busy tomorrow night? Do you wanna come to Radar? Jenny: (smiles) What's Radar? Marina: It's a special night we do here on Tuesdays. Jenny: Great. Um... [Marina smiles at Jenny.] Jenny: No, thank you. Marina: (nods) Okay. [Marina opens the door for Jenny. Jenny gets in.] Marina: Call me if you change your mind. Jenny: Okay. [Jenny starts the car.] INT. - STUDIO OF ARTIST JEAN-PAUL CHAMOIS - DAY [Bette and Tina are following an artist, Jean-Paul, around his studio as he looks over some sculptures.] Jean-Paul: I could do this, yes. Bette: And you have no problem with the concept of bringing a child into the world and having absolutely no say as to how he or she is raised. Jean-Paul: I must have children all over the world. Now, why would I have a problem with this one. I will sign the donor's contract now. Tina: Uh, Jean-Paul, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but do you have any, uh, medical... problems, any history of family illnesses, or... Jean-Paul: Health is excellent with the Chamois family. Bette: Uh, Jean-Paul, I know you say that you're comfortable with all this but I just want to think about it for a minute. Jean-Paul: Where is this contract? [Bette produces the contract from her purse and hands it to him, along with a pen.] Jean-Paul: (reading contract) Mm-hmm. And, uh, when we do this? Bette: (smiling) Uh, when Tina's next ovulating. Jean-Paul: (reading) You want to do this, uh, here in my bed? [Bette and Tina look at him as he continues to read.] Jean-Paul: Or, do you want me to come to you? Bette: Uh... Tina: Um. Bette: Wherever you want. Uh. We'll... give you a sterile cup. I mean, or, if you prefer, if you need your privacy, I can come back later after you finish and pick it up. [Jean-Paul stops reading and looks up.] Jean-Paul: Cup? What is this cup? Tina: Uh... well, it's a specimen cup. You... (makes hand motion) ejaculate into it. Jean-Paul: Ah, no no no. We don't do that way. We do as a... man and a woman. Bette: (chuckles) Jean-Paul, I'm sorry, I just thought you understood that... Jean-Paul: Do you want it to be all three? [Tina looks at Bette sharply.] Jean-Paul: Because that would be fine. It is going to be your baby, too. Bette: No. Jean-Paul: No? It's just me and her. Bon. Tina: Jean-Paul. Not only are we monogamous, we don't sleep with men. Jean-Paul: But, uh, to have a baby there is no other way. Tina: Just... just not an option for us. Okay? Jean-Paul: But, for me it is the only option. An obligation. I cannot bring a baby into this world that is not conceived through the passionate ... (makes grunting noises)... between a man and a woman. [Bette takes the contract from Jean-Paul. She looks at him and sighs, then she and Tina leave.] Jean-Paul: (calling out) Hey, the penis, the pussy, the baby. (shrugs) INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Music plays in the background. Alice, Shane, Dana, Bette, Tina sit at a table. Everyone is laughing, except Tina.] Shane: (laughing) You can't be serious! Tina: Mm-hmm. Alice: (laughing) Ze penis, ze pussy, ze baby? Bette: (wiping tears) Oh, god, I swear. C'mon, Tee, it's funny. [Tina isn't laughing.] Tina: I'm sorry, I don't find it funny. Alice: Wow... [Everyone stops laughing.] Bette: Try. It's important to have a sense of humor about these things. Tina: Oh, well, I guess you're just going to take care of that for the both of us. [Bette looks around the table at everyone, then back to Tina.] Bette: Why are you doing this? Tina: What, what am I doing? [Bette gets up and leaves the table. Tina follows her. Everyone turns and watches as they leave.] INTERSTITIAL - SCENES OF L.A. [A row of shops; suburban streets.] INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Tim and his Assistant Coach, Randy, are sitting at the table amongst papers and beer bottles.] Randy: We've got Mary and we've got Trish, and I think we — [Jenny walks in, dressed up very sexily in a black skirt.] Jenny: Hey, Randy. Randy: Hey. Jenny: (to Tim) Hey. [Tim looks Jenny up and down and puts his arms around her.] Tim: Wow. You look amazing. Jenny: Thanks. Tim: Damn. I think I'm gonna ditch Randy and take you out, myself. Jenny: (to Tim) Do you wanna come? Randy: Hey, 'cause we got a shitload of work to do. Hey, but you do look great. Jenny: Thank you. (to Tim) I'm not going to be late. Tim: Okay. Jenny: Okay. (kisses Tim) Goodbye. (walks away) Bye, Randy. Randy: Goodnight. [Jenny leaves.] Randy: Wonder where's she off to all dolled up like that? Tim: Uh, The Planet, they're uh, having some kind of special party or something. Randy: And you're letting her go alone? Tim: I'm making her go. She doesn't know that many people. If you know her, she's kind of a recluse. INT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [The place is packed with women. Dance music plays in the background. Jenny walks in and immediately looks nervous. She shyly walks up to a girl.] Jenny: Uh. Hi. [The girl ignores her, but Marina suddenly appears.] Marina: Hello, Jenny. Jenny: (smiling) Uh. It's all women. Marina: Oh, yeah, Radar is a woman's party. [Marina guides Jenny to the back, to a table where sit Alice, Dana, Shane, Tina and Harrison. Along the way, Jenny apologizes to everyone she bumps into.] Jenny: Sorry. Sorry. [Dana and Harrison stand at a bar. Dana nods for Harrison to check out a girl standing nearby.] Dana: That's what I'm talking about. What do you think? Harrison: Hot. So hot. [Marina and Jenny arrive at the table.] Shane: Hi. Jenny: Hi. Tina: Hey, Jenny. Didn't know you were coming out tonight. Jenny: Yeah, Marina invited me. Alice: Hey, hey. Marina: I thought she'd like Radar. [Jenny sits. Marina puts a drink in front of her.] Marina: (to Jenny) Bette's sister, Kit, does a poetry night. I think you'd enjoy it. [Kit stands in front of a turntable on the other side of the room, dancing.] [Shane watches the exchange between Marina and Jenny.] Jenny: Um, where's Bette? [Alice and Tina both speak at the same time, saying different things.] Tina: She's at work. Alice: They're still fighting. [Tina crinkles her brow at Alice.] Dana: Oh, my god, there's so many hot girls here. [Harrison whistles. Dana turns around to see the girl she was crushing on earlier standing behind her.] Dana: Hi! Girl: Hi. Dana: How are you? [The girl smiles, but then leans down to hug and kiss Shane. Dana is crushed. Shane gets up, oblivious.] Shane: (to group) Um, I'm gonna go play pool, so I will see you all later. Dana: (dejected) Bye. Harrison: You shoulda hit on her when we first came in. Dana: I don't get it. I mean, what does Shane have that I don't have? Alice: It has to do with your attitude. Dana: (grumpy) I've got attitude. Marina: It's because she's so withholding. Tina: No... it's because she's so confident. Dana: No, it's because she's so stupid and stupid people are too dumb to be insecure. Alice: Dana... she's your friend. Tina: It's confidence, okay? I'm telling you. It's because of her nipples. [Jenny starts to look a little uncomfortable.] Dana: What do you mean it's because of her nipples? Tina: She has the best nipples in town and she knows it. Alice: Oh, my god, you're so right, she has nipple confidence! Harrison: They are nice. Tina: Yeah. They're small and they're perfectly formed. Alice: I wonder if I could sell a story on L.A.'s best nipple, because I — Tina: Oh, that'd be good. Jenny: (to Marina) I think I'm just gonna wander around for a bit. Marina: Are you allright? Jenny: Yeah, I'm good. [Jenny gets her things and leaves the table. She stops in the middle of the room and looks around uncomfortably. A girl approaches her.] Girl: Hi there. [Jenny shakes her head and waves her hands back and forth.] Jenny: No. Thank you. [Jenny leaves.] EXT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [A long line of people waits to get inside. Jenny walks briskly past them, down the sidewalk.] EXT. - LAURELWOOD FARMS MARKET - DAY [A guy sprays down the concrete outside the front of the store. Customers go in and out.] INT. - LAURELWOOD FARMS MARKET - DAY [Jenny is working at a cash register. The guy that gave her the application last time is training her.] Jenny: The total is $77.83. So, I give you the card... oh, and I do this (pushes cash register button) um... and then you have to sign it (hands receipt to customer). Thank you. Have a nice day. Guy: Thanks, guys. [The customer gets his groceries and leaves.] Jenny: Okay, what do I do with this? [She hands the receipt to her trainer, who sticks it in the drawer.] Guy: So do you like living in this neighborhood? Jenny: Um, I don't know, it's okay, I guess. Guy: You don't mind it that there are... a lot of homos and stuff around? Jenny: What? Guy: Don't get me wrong, they seem pretty cool to me, but, aren't they always like checking out your boyfriend and stuff? Jenny: No! Guy: Customer. [Jenny turns around to see Marina standing at the register.] Jenny: Oh, my god. Guy: (leaving) Page me if you need me. [Marina puts a basket of groceries on the counter.] Marina: (chuckles) C'mon. I wanna see you check me out. [Jenny begins to scan the groceries.] Jenny: Okay.... (a beat) I'm sorry. About last night. I should've... I shouldn't have left like that. I feel really silly. I feel really, really silly and I think I kind of freaked out. And not because it was a gay bar, okay? But because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing there. You know? Okay. Um, the total is $54.05. Marina: I hope they overpay their employees as much as they overcharge their customers. [Jenny starts to sack the groceries.] Marina: Do you want to come to my reading group? It's one week from Monday. Jenny: I don't know. I have to... check with Tim. (hands her a receipt) There you go. Um, Marina. Is your — is your reading group a gay group? Marina: No. There are straight people. [Marina grabs her sack of groceries.] Marina: You look cute with the little apron on. [Marina walks toward the door. As she goes, Jenny leans over and stares at her ass. After a moment, a customer clears his throat to get her attention.] Jenny: Oh. Yes. Okay. I'm sorry. INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - DAY [Tim has some friends over for take out.] Girl: We get together once a month. Five couples, fifty dollars is our limit. Tim: Really? Jenny and I belonged to a game back in Chicago. She's not a very good cheater, though. Jenny: (gasps) I am not a cheater. (to girl) Excuse me. I am not a cheater. (giggling) Tim likes to say that I am a cheater because Tim is always losing. Right, Tim? Tim: Come on, that's not true. Not never, anyway. Once I went out, up three whole dollars. Jenny: Mm-hmm. Guy: You guys should come tomorrow night. (to others) We can always make room for another couple, right? Tim: Cool, uh, what time do you guys start? Jenny: Um, I can't, I have that, um, book club thing. Tim: So, just call and cancel. This could be fun, maybe we could become regular, you know — Jenny: Mm-mm. I'm committed. Tim: So uncommit. What's the big deal? Jenny: 'Cause, um, it's only once a month and I've been really looking forward to it. Oh, god, do you really want me to cancel? Tim: No. Go on. (to others) Um, we won't be able to make it. Just keep us in mind, though. Guy: Sure, man. INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Tina grabs her keys and is about to leave the house. She sees Bette waltzing in the front door, smiling.] Bette: Hey. Tina: Hey. I thought you were hanging with Joe. [Bette gives Tina a kiss.] Bette: He's got it under control. I thought we could spend the rest of the evening together. Tina: Oh. (shakes head) I need exercise. Feeling a little tense. [Tina walks past Bette to the front door.] Bette: Fine. I guess I should've called first. Tina: Yeah. [Tina leaves. Bette hangs her head, then walks over to the kitchen to set her stuff down.] EXT. - READING GROUP MEETING HOUSE - NIGHT [Marina and Jenny are coming out of the house. They walk to Marina's car, a convertible parked on the curb.] Jenny: I can't believe that Carolyn See is in the group. Marina: I know. Great minds... such a turn-on. Jenny: I am so happy that I came (grabs Marina's arm), I — I feel very, very inspired! Marina: Well, good! That's what it's all about. Jenny: Yes. Marina: Maybe next time you'll read from one of your stories. Jenny: (chuckles) No! Marina: Why not? Jenny: Because. Marina: You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. [They get in Marina's car.] INT. - GYM - NIGHT [A woman gets out of the shower and dries off. Tina is standing nearby, half-dressed, getting ready to go home after a workout.] Woman: Tina! What are you doing here? Tina: Hi. I'm just exorcising some demons. Woman: You look really good. Tina: I do? Woman: Yeah! [The woman stands behind Tina and runs her hand down Tina's back.] Woman: You're getting great definition right here. The latissimus dorsi. It's really starting to pop. (touches Tina's hip) Are you getting a good stretch in your hip flexors? Tina: (laughs nervously) I gotta go. Bette came home just to be with me. [Tina puts a shirt on quickly. The woman backs off.] Tina: (laughs nervously) I don't know what I was thinking. [Tina heads for the door.] Woman: Tina? [Tina turns around.] Woman: I'm starting to see some private clients very selectively. Let me know if you're interested. Tina: (nervously) Yeah! I will. EXT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Marina and Jenny pull up out front, in Marina's car.] Marina: Goodnight. Jenny: Goodnight. I had a really great time. Marina: (smiles) Good. I'm glad. Have sweet dreams. [Jenny stares at Marina for a moment, then gets out and goes to the door. Marina drives off.] INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Bette, still in her workout garb, finds Bette in bed, sleeping, a book on her chest.] [Tina crawls over her and takes Bette's glasses off, then turns out the bedside lamp and goes back into the livingroom.] EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S BACKYARD - DAY [Tina sits by the pool. Bette sits in a lounger next to her, a notebook on her lap. A lawnmower is heard in the background.] Bette: Look, if you want to go back to Dan Foxworthy, that's fine by me. Tina: I'll make an appointment. Tell me when you're free. Bette: (shrugs) Just make the appointment and tell me when it is. Tina: Tomorrow at 3:15. [Bette sighs.] Tina: I was going to see him by myself but I'd rather you come with me. [Bette folds up her notebook and goes back inside.] INT. - A RESTAURANT - NIGHT [Tim, Jenny, Randy and his wife Carol are having dinner and wine together. They make a toast.] Tim: To Jenny being in L.A. Jenny: Cheers. [They all drink.] Tim: (to Jenny) I'm so glad you're here. I missed you a lot. Jenny: I've missed you, too. [Jenny kisses Tim.] Carol: Aren't they cute? Randy: Hmm. Adorable. Tim: (blushing) Allright, allright, allright. Let's order. [They pick up menus and start to look.] ELSEWHERE IN THE RESTAURANT — [Alice, Tina, Bette, Shane and Marina are being led to a table. Tina walks ahead of Bette.] Alice: (to Tina) Are you guys still fighting? BACK AT TIM & JENNY'S TABLE — Randy: (to waiter) I'll tell you what, man. Can you just get them to grill it? My wife doesn't seem to think I need all that breading. Carol: You don't. (to Tim/Jenny) He doesn't. (to Randy) You're getting a paunch.
[Carol pats Randy's belly. Randy chuckles. Tim looks up and sees Tina and Bette pass by.]
[Jenny looks up to see Bette, Shane and Marina pass by. Marina smiles at her and waves.]
Marina: Hi.
[Jenny turns to watch her as she goes past. She checks out Marina's ass again.]
Randy: (to Carol/Tim/Jenny) Oh, man. That girl is so hot. She doesn't really look like she's gay.
Carol: Randy!
Randy: What?
Tim: (to Jenny) Marina's not gay, is she?
Jenny: I have no idea. (sips wine)
Randy: Well, if she is... I think she's with that blonde with the cute haircut.
[Alice, Shane and Marina are getting their menus.]
Carol: You think she's cute?
Randy: Cute? Nah, I didn't say I wanted to sleep with her, I just said she's —
Carol: No, I — I like the one that looks like a rock star.
[Shane opens a menu, laughing at something Alice said to her.]
Carol: (closer to Randy) If I had to be with a woman? I think she'd be my type.
[Tim and Jenny look at each other. Jenny notices Marina walking by. After a moment, Jenny gets up.]
Jenny: (to Tim) I have to use the bathroom.
Tim: (to Carol/Randy) Wine's not bad, hm?
INT. - RESTAURANT BATHROOM
[Jenny walks into the bathroom and walks up to Marina.]
Jenny: What are you doing here?
Marina: The same thing you're doing here, I imagine.
Jenny: Well, I'm finding it very distracting.
Marina: Do you?
Jenny: (two beats) (nods) I'd like to see you again.
[Marina reaches forward to pull Jenny to her. A woman walks past them so Jenny pushes Marina off.]
Jenny: (whispering) Stop it. (a beat) I have to go.
[Jenny leaves.]
INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY
[Tim walks in with paper cups. He sets one on the desk next to Jenny, who is writing diligently on her laptop.]
Tim: Hey. Stopped at The Planet, got you a cup of coffee.
[Tim stands behind her and begins to read.]
Tim: "She drifted across the expanse, lifted the first veil."
[Jenny hides the screen. Tim gets a little upset and walks out. After a moment, Jenny gets up to go after him.]
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - DAY
[Jenny comes in. She sits next to Tim.]
Jenny: I'm sorry.
Tim: What's going on?
Jenny: I'm just a little tense. You go off to school every day and you have your whole deal worked out, and, um... I'm not quite sure what I'm doing in L.A.
Tim: I — I thought you were doing well. I mean, you're writing. You're working, at a job that you wanted. You even made a few new friends, right?
Jenny: I just feel like it's kind of a little scary right now. I'm feeling a bit, um, overwhelmed.
Tim: Don't take it out on me. I'm not the enemy.
Jenny: I know.
[Jenny gets up and sits in his lap.]
Jenny: I know. You couldn't be more supportive of me.
[They kiss just as the phone rings.]
Tim: You wanna get that?
[Jenny gets up and answers the phone.]
Jenny: (phone) Hello? Hi. Uh... yeah. How are you? ... Oh, okay. Yes, no problem. Okay. Okay.... Bye. (hangs up) (to Tim) Um. That was, uh, that was Marina. We're gonna have dinner on Saturday night. We don't have plans, do we, because if we do, I can reschedule, um —
Tim: No, go ahead, it's fine.
Jenny: We were just gonna get together and we were gonna talk about the book club. But Tim, I think I should call her back and tell her that you and I need to spend some time together.
Tim: Jen — I have a basketball game with the department heads Saturday night. Go. Have dinner with Marina, it's fine.
Jenny: Okay.
[Jenny heads back out to the garage. As she passes Tim, she pats his shoulder.]
Jenny: Thank you.
INT. - DAN FOXWORTHY'S OFFICE - DAY
[Dan and Tina await Bette's arrival.]
Tina: (sighs) She said she was coming.
[Dan checks his watch.]
Tina: It was kinda last-minute, though.
Dan: So you think she might not be showing up?
Tina: I don't know.
Dan: Maybe we should spend a little time talking about you.
[Just then, Bette walks in. She's smiling.]
Bette: I'm sorry I'm late. But I have a really good excuse. (sits) So don't make this easy on me. (to Tina) I have found the perfect donor.
Tina: Who?
Bette: Marcus Allenwood, he's an artist, and he's just been selected for the next Whitney Biennial. I had a serious conversation with him.
Tina: (laughs uneasy) But... but I've never met him.
Bette: No, but I know exactly what you and I are looking for and he is so perfect, he even has a kid so we know he can get someone pregnant.
[Dan watches the exchange with interest.]
Tina: (seriously) I never. Met. Him.
Bette: You will meet him tomorrow. He's coming by the house at 11 and you're taking him to the cryobank.
[Tina looks at Dan, who's still silently observing.]
Bette: (to Dan) He's leaving the next day for Cologne. He's a in a group show. (to Tina) Tee, he's willing to do this for us so we can have the sperm on ice for when you're next ovulating. It'll be there when we wanna use it.
[Tina is at a loss for words. Bette turns around and sighs. Dan still watches.]
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - LIVINGROOM - DAY
[Tina opens the door. Marcus Allenwood is there, just out of view of the camera.]
Tina: M — Marcus?
Marcus: Tina, right?
Tina: (laughs nervously) Um. I have to get something out of the bedroom, and uh, have a seat (pats chair). (sighs nervously) And ... and then we'll go to the... cryobank!
[Marcus steps in the door so we can see him. He is black, and Tina is nervous because Bette didn't tell her that.]
Marcus: Okay.
[Marcus comes in and sits down. Tina heads to her bedroom.]
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY
[Tina sits on the bed.]
Tina: Fuck! (whispering) (regrouping) Okay...
[She sighs, takes a breath, and goes back out.]
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - LIVINGROOM - DAY
[Marcus is still waiting. Tina comes back in with a smile, and grabs her coat and keys.]
Tina: Ready?
Marcus: (standing) Tina, did Bette not tell you I was black?
Tina: No. Not at all. But, I mean, she didn't... not tell me, 'cause it doesn't matter either way! Right?
Marcus: I can't answer that for you.
Tina: No... Uh, okay. You ready to go?
Marcus: Let's do it.
[They leave.]
INT. - THE CRYOBANK - DAY
[Tina and Marcus talk to the receptionist in the front office.]
Tina: (to receptionist) Hi. I'm Tina Kennard, and I'm here with my friend. He's here to make a... deposit.
Receptionist: Marcus, right?
Marcus: That's right.
Receptionist: And it says here you've recently been HIV tested.
Marcus: I have all my paperwork.
Receptionist: Then here's all you need from me.
[The girl hands Marcus a specimen cup.]
Receptionist: The bathroom is down the hall, on the left, and there are magazines in there if you need any encouragement.
[Tina chuckles nervously.]
Marcus: (chuckling) (to Tina) I'll be right back.
[After Marcus is gone, the receptionist leans in closer to Tina.]
Receptionist: (whispering) Wow. That's a pretty serious decision to make.
Tina: Isn't it?
Receptionist: You must've given it a lot of thought. 'Cause really big men like that tend to make really big babies. You'll probably be looking at a C-section.
[Tina blanches.]
INT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT
[Alice, Marina and Dana are sitting around when Bette walks in.]
Bette: (to Alice) Hi. What's up?
Alice: Hey. She's uh, she's in the back.
Marina: (to Alice/Dana) Bye.
Alice: Bye. See ya.
Dana: See ya later.
[Bette walks to the back to where Tina's sitting, reading a book.]
Bette: (smiling) What's going on?
Tina: (startled) What are you doing here?
Bette: I got this... vague but urgent message from Alice.
Tina: (laughs) Oh, great. (a beat) You put me in a fucking awkward position. How could you not tell me that Marcus Allenwood is black?
Bette: God, I — I... I don't know, I guess I — I should've, I... I just didn't think it would be a problem for you to use a black donor.
Tina: But... I didn't say I didn't want a black donor. I just think we should've discussed it.
Bette: We absolutely discussed it, Tina. Right in the very beginning, we said that if you were going to be the birth mother, that we should consider finding an African-American donor, that way the child would be more like our child.
Tina: But I wasn't prepared.
[Bette's voice falters as she speaks, upset.]
Bette: I don't understand. Other than... being committed... to spending the rest of your life with me... what more do you need to do to prepare?
Tina: Look at me, Bette. I don't feel qualified to be the mother of a child who's half African-American. I don't know what it means to be black.
Bette: (crying) I think I can make a contribution in that department.
Tina: And don't you think, on top of everything else, to also have two moms ... that is a lot of otherness to put on one child.
[Bette shakes her head, upset.]
INT. - DAN FOXWORTHY'S OFFICE - DAY
[Bette and Tina sit on the couch with lots of distance between them. Dan speaks to them.]
Dan: (to Tina) Your reaction to Marcus Allenwood, however honest it might have been, comes across to Bette like a rejection of her identity.
Tina: I — I love Bette. I... I love who she is, I... I just wasn't ready for how I would react.
Dan: Do you know what that says to me?
Bette: (upset) That we're not ready to have children together?
[Tina looks down. She and Bette look miles apart.]
INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY
[Jenny is lying on the couch. Tim is sitting on the edge, reading aloud from a printout of something she's written.]
Tim: "Because Sarah Schuster came down, and now she reviles you, like you revile your own craving."
[Tim puts the paper down.]
Jenny: What do you think?
Tim: You scare me sometimes. I see you going right to that edge. And I think I've lost you. And then you come back with... (nods to her writing) And I know why you have to disappear on me like that. I'm so fucking proud to have you in my life.
[Jenny smiles, but with tears in her eyes. After a moment, a tear slips down her cheek.]
Jenny: I'm so proud to have you in my life. (whispering) Do you know that?
Tim: There's something I wanted to get this afternoon before my game. I'm gonna go do that.
[Tim gets up and leaves.]
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY
[Bette is in the bathroom cleaning her face. She notices an ovulation test stick in the trash. She picks it up and looks at it.]
EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - DAY
[Tina is on the phone on the front porch.]
Tina: (phone) Mm, I don't know. What time does Milk start? Why don't you just ask Dana to go? You know, you guys are just going to have to work that out. Well, I'm sure Shane's gonna be there. Yeah, why not. Of course she is. Oh really?
[Bette comes out and walks past Tina without saying anything.]
Tina: (phone) Hold on. (to Bette) Where are you going?
Bette: I don't know.
Tina: Doesn't the program start at 7:30?
Bette: Yup. You don't have to come. You can go out with Alice and Shane.
[Bette walks to her car.]
Tina: (phone) Shit, you know what? I can't go. Yeah, Bette's giving an art talk at the C.A.C. Yeah. No. Allright. Have fun. Bye.
EXT. - A SUBURBAN STREET - DAY
[Bette is driving down the street when she spots Kit riding down the sidewalk on a bicycle.]
INT. - KIT'S HOUSE - DAY
[Bette and Kit sit on the couch, talking.]
Kit: When she looks at you, she's not looking at a black woman or a white woman, she's looking at the woman she loves.
Bette: She sees what she wants to see.
Kit: Maybe she sees what you let her see. I mean, maybe this wasn't important before, maybe what's worked best for you all these years, you know, getting all your pretty things and, you know, putting together your pretty life, is that you let people see what they want to see.
Bette: What are you trying to say?
Kit: Nothin'! Just... maybe it's been easier for you that way.
Bette: (offended) That's nice. That's really nice.
[Bette looks really hurt. She gets up to go to the door.]
Kit: Oh, come on, don't walk out! (getting up) Oh, come on girl, don't walk outta here! Don't walk outta here like this! Oh, come on!
Bette: I really just don't need this right now!
[Kit grabs her arm and turns her around.]
Kit: We gotta stop doing this to each other!
Bette: We?!
Kit: Okay. I gotta stop doing it. I'm the one that always ran away. Okay, but don't do what I did. Stay, hear me out, because I'm not going to say what you think I'm going to say. There's only one thing that cuts across all our realities. It's love. The bridge between all our differences.
[Kit touches Bette's face.]
Kit: And you have so much love in your life. Why are you trying to tear down that bridge? Why?
Bette: (crying) I don't know.
[Kit hugs Bette as Bette cries.]
EXT. - MILK, A DANCE CLUB - NIGHT
[Alice and Dana are walking into the club together. People mill around outside.]
Dana: So you called Shane, right?
Alice: I thought you did. I thought you did!
Dana: I told you to call.
Alice: I swear you said you were calling.
Dana: No, I said you call!
Alice: Whatever. She'll be here. She'll be here!
INT. - C.A.C. ART GALLERY - NIGHT
[Bette is giving a talk on art. Lots of people in attendance. Tina sits in the audience.]
Bette: How do we draw the line that signifies whether an image reads as pornography. I mean, who gets to say what passes as art and what is obscenity? The debate has been taken up by Laurie Papou in a series of paintings entitled "A Group of Seven." Please welcome Laurie.
[The audience claps. Bette sits down across from Laurie, in front of the audience.]
Bette: So Laurie, to what extent is this body of work meant to be read as a narrative?
[The guy next to Tina leans over and whispers.]
Guy: She's awesome. Your girlfriend.
Tina: (smiles) She is, isn't she? Sometimes I forget.
Guy: You two — really beautiful couple. I mean that. You're really beautiful.
[Tina looks away from the guy, a little uncomfortable.]
INT. - MILK - NIGHT
[Dana is having a Martini, and is a little drunk. Alice sits next to her. Dance music plays in the background.]
Dana: Why is it so depressing?
Alice: Because it's the same faces, night after night. Week after week. Floating clubs, floating girls.
Dana: Oh. (points slyly) She's cute.
Alice: She's been with two of my exes. Staying out of that vicious cycle.
EXT. - MARINA'S BACKYARD - NIGHT
[The city lights twinkle in the distance. Marina and Jenny walk around.]
Jenny: It's amazing.
Marina: This is where I come when I can't stand it anymore. Sometimes when I can't sleep I lie down right here and watch the sun rise.
[They stop and face each other. Marina takes Jenny's hands, and pulls her to her. They kiss.]
INT. - C.A.C. ART GALLERY - NIGHT
[The Guy is talking to Bette and Tina during the reception. Music - "Adieo" by Pavlo - plays in the background.]
Guy: This is vulgar, I know, but the two of you are just so... fuckin' sexy!
[Bette and Tina laugh.]
Guy: No offense!
Bette: Uh, it's hard to take offense at that.
Guy: I'm gonna get a drink. Can I get either of you anything?
Bette: I'm good, thanks.
Tina: No thanks, I'm fine.
Guy: Allright.
[He leaves.]
Bette: Is he...?
Tina: He's hitting on us.
Bette: He is.
[Both of them stare in shock.]
Tina: God, that hasn't happened in a while.
[Bette grabs Tina and pulls her to a quiet spot away from everyone else.]
Bette: I have a thought. It might be crazy.
Tina: What?
Bette: I know you're ovulating.
[Tina sighs.]
Bette: Do you think he's attractive?
Tina: (laughing) Is he a good artist?
Bette: Who cares.
Tina: What about Dan Foxworthy?
Bette: Oh, fuck Dan Foxworthy. I mean, it's our life, we don't need his permission to do what we think is right for us.
Tina: And you're okay with...
Bette: I wanna have a baby with you. And if we make it together, then it's enough for me to know that it's our baby.
Tina: (very reluctant) Okay.
Bette: Yeah.
Tina: Yeah? You sure?
Bette: Yeah.
[Bette rubs her nose against Tina's. They giggle, and go back to the party.]
INT. - MILK - NIGHT
[Alice, Dana and Shane sit at a table, girl-watching. They check one of the girls out. Dance music plays in the background.]
Alice: Ah, she's not my type, y'know, she looks like she's been around the block a few times, you know what I mean?
Shane: What's wrong with that?
[Alice spots another girl.]
Alice: Ooh, ooh, ooh. Now she's cute. And I haven't seen her before, is it possible?
Shane: Fresh meat.
Alice: New blood.
Dana: Cris-pay!
[Alice shakes her head at Dana.]
Alice: Uh-uh.
EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT
[Bette and Tina pull into their driveway. The Guy follows on his motorcycle and parks. Tina is nervous.]
Bette: (to Tina) Just look at me. Okay?
[They get out of the car and lead the Guy inside.]
EXT. - MARINA'S BACKYARD - NIGHT
[Marina and Jenny are making love. Music plays - "Sun Again" by Kinnie Starr.]
[In the midst of it, Jenny cries.]
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
[Bette and Tina stand in the middle of the room, kissing. Soft music plays - Mr. Airplane Man's "How Long".]
[The Guy takes off his boots and shirt and goes over to Bette and Tina. He starts to kiss Tina's shoulders. He and Bette remove Tina's shirt. Tina stays completely focused on Bette.]
Guy: (whispering) Tina, why don't you make Bette wet?
[The guy continues to kiss Tina's back. Tina kisses Bette; the Guy stands up, then kisses Tina - Tina is a little apprehensive. When the kiss is over, Bette watches Tina for her reaction.]
[Bette undoes his belt. He stands behind Bette and begins to kiss her neck. He takes her shirt off. Tina kisses Bette.]
Guy: (to Bette) It'd be really nice if you made love to Tina while I'm making love to you.
Bette: (stopping) It's not gonna happen that way.
Guy: How's it gonna happen?
Bette: I think you should make love to Tina, while Tina makes love to me.
Guy: Okay. It's cool. Why don't you two lie down.
[Bette and Tina lie down on the bed. The Guy pulls a rubber out of his pants pocket and tears open the wrapper.]
Bette: What's that?
Guy: What?
Bette: In your hand.
Guy: It's a condom. Otherwise known as a rubber.
Bette: (smiling) What are you doing with it?
Guy: Well, some would say I'm being considerate.
[Tina and Bette stop kissing.]
Bette: Well, we don't want you to use it.
Guy: Why?
Tina: You don't have to.
Bette: We just... we're okay.
[The Guy gets the picture. He puts on his pants.]
Guy: Oh, man. That's great. Why is it whenever dykes wanna have sex with a guy, it's only because they're trying to steal his sperm? Ain't happening, guys.
EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - FRONT YARD - NIGHT
[The Guy leaves. As he's driving away on his motorcycle, Jenny passes him in Tim's car. She parks out in front of her house.]
[Jenny checks her hair in the rearview mirror.]
EXT. - MILK - NIGHT
[Alice and Dana are saying goodbye to Shane, who's met some girl.]
Alice: Bye guys.
Shane: See ya. Give me a call later.
Alice: Oh, yeah.
[Alice and Dana walk down the sidewalk together.]
Alice: Wanna come to my place?
[Dana looks up at Alice.]
Alice: Oh. Please. I am not that desperate.
Dana: (laughing) Fuck you, Alice, neither am I.
Alice: Dana, I'm just —
Dana: What?
Alice: I'm just, I don't wanna be one of those people who sleeps with her friends.
Dana: Neither do I!
Alice: Right, okay! Let's not have sex!
Dana: No, never!
Alice: Okay!
Dana: Never!
[They walk off.]
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
[Bette and Tina are lying in bed, facing each other.]
Bette: That was really... crazy.
Tina: No, I thought it was a genius plan.
Bette: (smiling) You did?
Tina: Yeah.
[Tina strokes Bette's face. Bette takes her hand.]
Bette: Were you turned on by him?
Tina: No.
[Tina puts Bette's hand between her legs. Bette sighs.]
Tina: This is you.
[Bette kisses Tina.]
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - NIGHT
[Jenny comes in quietly and sits on the couch. Her face is streaked in tears. She cries.]
Tim: (offscreen) (groggy) Jenny? Is that you?
Jenny: (wiping tears) I'm coming.
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
[Jenny gets undressed and gets in bed with Tim. He snuggles up to her.]
Tim: (groggy) You smell different. What is it?
Jenny: Um. It's a new perfume.
Tim: (groggy) I liked the old one better.
[Jenny kisses his hand.]
INT. - ALICE'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Alice: Okay, okay. Let's do you. C'mere. It'll be fun. I haven't even put you on it.
[Alice gets up and goes to a desk. Dana follows.]
Dana: Allright, this is ridiculous. I've only slept with two girls my whole life. And I swear to god, if you repeat that I will have to kill you.
[Alice lights a joint.]
Alice: Mm. Don't worry. Your reputation as a stud is totally safe with me.
Dana: Okay.
Alice: Okay. So.
[Alice exhales smoke; Dana chokes and swats it away.]
Dana: Oh, god!
[Alice grabs a piece of paper and a marker. She writes "Dana" and circles it.]
Alice: Okay. Name names.
Dana: Okay, there was the counselor at tennis camp when I was fifteen.
Alice: Right.
Dana: Which you know about.
Alice: Mm-hmm. Name?
Dana: She's famous now. I can't tell you her name.
Alice: Oh, god. Okay. Ralph. I'll call her Ralph.
[Dana chuckles. Alice draws a line from "Dana" and writes "Ralph". She draws another line on the other side of "Dana".]
Alice: Okay. Now. Second name.
Dana: Melanie.
Alice: Mel — I knew it.
[Alice writes "Melanie" under the second line.]
Alice: (writing) I... always...
Dana: I told you about that.
Alice: No, you didn't. But that's — I know. Okay.
[Dana giggles. Alice grabs another sheet of paper and puts the two sheets side by side.]
Alice: Let's see how many people it would take to link you and me.
[Alice writes some more names on the sheets, drawing lines between all of them.]
Dana: Whatever, that's impossible.
Alice: Mm. Mkay. Melanie slept with Heather.
[Alice draws a line after "Melanie" and writes "Heather" at the end.]
Dana: Okay.
Alice: Okay. Heather slept with Brooke.
[Alice draws a line after "Heather" and writes "Brooke" at the end.]
Dana: Heather slept with Brooke?
Alice: Yes. Brooke slept with Nina, and I slept with Nina.
[Alice draws lines for "Nina" and herself.]
Alice: See that?
Dana: Wow, yeah.
[Alice turns the papers around so Dana can read them.]
Alice: So, four. One, two, three, four. That is how many people it takes to link you to me.
Dana: Okay. Okay. So you and Tina...
Alice: Mm, well that's easy. One.
[Alice draws a line from her own name.]
Dana: (nodding) Okay.
Alice: Bette.
[Alice writes "Bette" under the line she drew from her own name, then draws a line from "Bette" and writes "Tina".]
Dana:: (nodding) Okay. Ooh, ooh. I have a good one. Here. Check it out.
[Dana writes "Mandy" on the paper.]
Alice: Really good.
Dana: I know, huh?
Alice: Okay, now she... she leads us right back to Shane.
Dana: Oh, god.
Alice: Right.
[Alice writes all the new names on the paper. Now the page is filled with lines and names everywhere.]
Alice: Now. She could have us here all night.
Dana: It's like this whole crazy, tiny little world.
Alice: (drags on joint) Crazy, yes. But not tiny.
[Camera pans up to reveal a massive whiteboard on the wall with dozens of names on it. All the names link to Shane, whose name is in the middle in huge letters.]
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
[Bette and Tina are in bed, kissing passionately. Music plays - Mr. Airplane Man's "Up In Your Room".]
[After a few moments, Tina stops and looks at Bette.]
Tina: I'm so lucky to have you.
[They continue to kiss.]
Tina: Come here.
[Bette and Tina have passionate sex.]
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - MORNING
[Jenny wakes up.]
Tim: (offscreen) Jen? Jen, you awake?
Jenny: (whispering) Oh my god. (sitting up) Oh my god.
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING
[Tim is in the kitchen getting breakfast together. He's got the table set nicely.]
Tim: Jen. Breakfast is ready.
EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - MORNING
[Shane comes walking past their house. She sees Bette and Tina sitting on the porch together, holding hands.]
Shane: Hey.
Bette: Hey! What are you doing up this early?
Shane: I'm going home.
Bette: From?
[Shane winks. Bette and Tina laugh.]
Bette: Nevermind.
Shane: Yeah. (pointing) (smiling) You totally just got laid, didn't you?
[Bette and Tina smile.]
Shane: Yeah, you see? That gives me hope, because I love knowing that two people who've been together for so long ... can still make each other that happy.
[Tina rubs Bette's arm. Shane seems truly touched, and gestures as if she's going to say something further, but she doesn't. She smiles.]
Shane: Yeah. Anyway. Um... (smiles) Have a good morning.
[Shane turns to go.]
Shane: Okay. (points) I'm gonna go. (smiles) Okay. Bye, guys.
Bette: You be good.
Shane: I'm gonna try. See ya.
[Shane swaggers off happily. Bette kisses Tina's hand.]
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING
[Tim is setting food on the table. Jenny comes in and he pulls the chair out for her. Music plays - "Cannonball" by Damien Rice.]
[When she sits down, she sees a diamond ring sitting in a box on the table.]
[Tim smiles. Jenny looks sad.]
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