Written by Gigi88

I have a confession to make. I've been wanting to do this for a long time and now that the show is on hiatus I'm finally getting around to it. I'm feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I'm outing myself. I'm bisexual.

The majority of other postings I've read have been from lesbians or straight women and sometimes even straight men. I've yet to read one from someone who admits up front to also being bisexual unless I missed it somewhere. Maybe this is due to the fact that like me, other bisexual women are used to and afraid of being so don't want to call attention to themselves. Or maybe I really am the only one. Regardless, I'm taking my chances and speaking up because it's something I feel passionately about.

Anyway this is not about me. Or it is about me but only in the way that the show reflects me or rather, doesn't. Which would be fine except it claims to. Yet the same way that so many people have validly claimed that there are no real "butch" lesbians represented on the show neither are there any real bisexuals. There has been a lot of reaction to the character of Moira/Max becoming trans gendered. The main criticism is there was the chance for Moira to be the first butch character on the show and instead they made her a guy. Well guess what? Alice was supposed to be the original bisexual on the show. And they made her gay. Jenny started out by saying she "thought she was bisexual" after meeting Marina. She's now also a lesbian. That leaves us with Tina who was presumably a lesbian and then suddenly became straight. One day she was a lesbian, the next she was straight and in a new relationship with a man and a built in family. As though having feelings for men meant she would automatically no longer have any feelings whatsoever for the woman she had just spent the last 8 yrs of her life with and had a child with. And frankly, I would RATHER her decide she was straight all along and just kidding herself then be the only woman on the show to represent being bisexual. Because that would mean the show would only be stereotyping bisexuals as being incapable of really having relationships with women because we are secretly just waiting for the right man to come along and sweep us off our feet. Or how about that we are just promiscuous and will sleep with anyone that comes along? Either way it's not a very flattering light. So I will just pretend that for the purpose of the rest of this article that Tina is now straight and not bisexual and therefore not reinforcing every negative stereotype in the book that I have faced in my life for my orientation.

Which leaves me with Jenny and Alice.

It seems to me that the writers intended all along for Jenny to become gay and represent the struggle that many women face who "realize" they are gay later in life. I don't have a problem with that. Honestly for the most part I even WANTED her to come out of the closet for her own sake. Watching her get so 'completely dismantled" by Marina and still try so hard to be a good girlfriend to Tim was painful to watch. I was happy for her when somewhere in the second season she said she was gay. But also a little sad because I had identified with the bisexual aspect of her character and all the confusion that goes along with it. Then again if she had remained bisexual and continued to get into relationships where she was cheating it wouldn't have boded very well for us either.

I think my main issue is really with Alice. Not her character, don't get me wrong, I love Alice as much as the next girl. But from the beginning she has been the one character who has claimed to be bisexual. The show itself has made statements saying they are raising awareness for the GLBT community and for lesbian AND bisexual women. I felt encouraged and happy to be included by these statements. I had read interviews where Leisha Hailey had said (not quoting but this was the general idea) that she was happy to represent bisexuals and that in doing so she had learned that being bisexual is not any more a choice someone makes then being gay is. That meant a lot to me because it's how I feel. I looked forward to seeing a part of myself represented onscreen that wasn't the stereotypical evil sex crazed bisexual girl. Well I didn't see that stereotype. But I didn't see a bisexual girl either. I saw a woman who says she is bisexual but aside from one lesbian identified man, only sleeps with and has relationships with women. Alright, I understand this is a show primarily about lesbians and most women would probably rather have Alice be with a woman then a man. I'm not saying I would rather she be with a guy either. I'm just saying I would have liked to see some of the things that I struggle with as a bisexual woman. Issues such as the confusion that goes along with being attracted to both sexes. Not being taken seriously when I date women and all the girls who wouldn't dream of even giving me a chance even though I have truly wanted monogamous relationships with a women(and have proved I am capable of having one and have the ex girlfriends to prove it). Feeling as though I never really fit in either world(straight or gay) and wishing I could just "choose" like people say to do. This is my experience of course...but I have known other bisexual women who have had similar experiences too.

The first season I did somewhat identify with Alice. The good natured teasing she got from her friends. Falling in love with her best friend(only in my situation she was straight and I was to terrified to tell her). Saying things like "I follow the heart not the anatomy". The fact that she never really hooked up with a guy wasn't really what bothered me and I loved every minute of her beautiful, hysterical storyline with Dana. I really wasn't all that bothered until last season when Dana was in the hospital and Tina came to visit with what's his name. I'll never forget the feeling in my stomach when Alice turned to Dana and said "You're right. Bisexuality is gross." Spoken from the lone bisexual herself. I understand where that statement came from in terms of the whole Tina situation. If she had said something like "Yuck, what Tina is doing is so gross" I wouldn't have blinked an eye. However, having her make a blanket negative statement like that against bisexuals, I found to be extremely insulting. Especially since she is the character allegedly representing us. She's basically done everything but come right out and say "I'm gay now" and I assume that's around the corner next season. Ok, fine. But then I would say to the writers don't promote the show as having bisexual women in it because it doesn't. And if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all. I am sure they would never have a character say "gee, being straight is gross" esp. if that character is supposed to be straight. I have watched the show from day one and supported it even if, like many others, I haven't agreed with every aspect of it. I subscribe to SHO specifically for the L Word. I don't appreciate being called gross by a show that claims to support me. And seriously, I have to assume I am not the only bisexual woman who watches the show and feels this way. It's just another example of the show biting the hand that feeds them. And frankly, I think that's pretty gross.

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