Written by goslings and ketel1

The theme song for our favorite lesbian drama lists a lexicon of 'L' words that label "the way we Live and Love". After watching Season 3, we have a new word to add to that list: ludicrous. While the laundry list of laughable moments is quite long, here are a few of our personal favorites:

1. Helena's unexplained transformation

Apparently The L Word has gone "don't ask, don't tell".

2. The Tarot card reading matching Helena and Alice....and the potential romance never being referred to again.

This is just one example of story arcs making a brief appearance, then disappearing just as quickly, never to be seen or heard from again!

3. Shane putting on the dress

Is this the same Shane as Seasons 1 and 2, or is she just a victim of the writers?

4. Tim's reappearance.

Why?!

5. Tina letting that couple assume Angelica was adopted!

The Tina we were given in S1-2 would never treat her own child that way. In fact, almost everything we saw about Tina in S3 was ludicrous.

6. Uta the Vampire

Believe it or not, most lesbians have never met a vampire. We've never met a vampire, and we don't know anyone who has met a vampire.

7. Billie.

This was a cheap-ass rip off of Alan Cumming's Cabaret character and performance, fast forward 60 years. This is a classic example of so many marquee guests deterring from the show, not enhancing it.

8. Bette hires Joyce Wischnia.

Attorneys can't represent someone against their former client unless that former client agrees it's okay. No one even consulted Tina, let alone got her permission. Joyce's ethics were questionable in Season 2, but this is...well, ludicrous.

9. Dana's Funeral.

Dana's parents knew Dana was gay, and they loved Tonya. They weren't the homophobes they were portrayed during the funeral. Um, everyone else knew Dana was gay, too! Hello, Subaru?

10. Max's new job.

Max would never just get the job at the same place Moira was turned down. He looks the same, and his resume would lead to references for Moira, not Max. And we're supposed to believe that no one figured out that they were the same person?

11. Kit PREGNANT?

Enough said.

12. Henry's concern about not being able to adopt Angelica.

Um, we don't think Tina will ever be able to adopt Mikey as long as he has another mom.

13. Dana dying.

WTF were they thinking? Take one of the most likeable characters, late 20's or early 30's and healthy, and kill her with chemo -- not even cancer. Nice message to lesbians--don't go to the doctor. You'll find out terrifying news, and they'll kill you instead of save you. Even QAF knew that cancer doesn't have to kill you.

As if these specific instances of ludicrousness weren't enough, Season 3 also provided us with some ongoing themes that simply lacked logic.

1. Moira's transformation.

Moira was the first true butch character, and she wants to become a man. In other words, butch lesbians just want to be men.

2. Tina's return to suburban heterosexuality.

We're apparently supposed to believe that all it took was mediocre sex with a boring man to turn the lesbian straight. In other words, the lesbians who don't want to be men still want to sleep with men.

3. How long was Tina pregnant, anyway?

Okay, this might really be a Season 2 issue. But, Tina technically got pregnant in the spring of 2004 (Provocations was in May, 2004 according to the signs). This might explain why she was so friggin' huge by the time she gave birth in mid- to late-2005.

4. Consistency, or lack thereof.

Issues are raised and dropped with no explanation, never to be seen or heard from again. What happened to Mark? Did Bette and Kit actually grieve Melvin's death? Tina never asked Bette if she slept with Senator Hottie. The list goes on...

5. Lack of a committed, monogamous relationship.

With one notable exception, everyone has either cheated on a partner, or helped someone cheat on a partner. Bette cheated on Tina with Candace. Tina cheated on Eric with Bette (sort of), then on Helena with Bette, then on Bette with Henry. Dana cheated on Tonya with Alice, and maybe with Lara on Alice. Alice helped Dana cheat on Tonya. Shane cheated on Carmen with Cherie, and Carmen then cheated on her. Jenny cheated on Tim with Marina, and it turns out that Marina was cheating on Francesca. So who of the main characters hasn't cheated? Believe it or not, Helena. At least as far as we know...and we're not convinced that she hasn't.

6. The missing six months.

Except the two tiny glimpses we got of Dana and Alice in the random acts, we have no idea what happened during those six months. It must have been an important time, because everyone's personalities are drastically different than when we saw them at the end of Season 2. Perhaps there was an alien abduction. Mass brainwashing? Something in the water. Sadly, we'll probably never know.

With any luck, The L Word will recognize that being renewed for a fourth season was a gift (a lagniappe of sorts), and right the wrongs of the past two seasons so that we can all erase the word ludicrous from our vocabularies.

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