 Season
6 / Episode 6 ; Episode: "Lactose Intolerant"
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Episode
Summary
#606: "Lactose Intolerant"
I deem this episode, Entertaining Chocolate In A Diaper!
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Previously on The L Word...highlights.
Showtime Presents the Group Of Friends singing the Oompa Loompa thing.
Alice and Shane talk about Jenny with helium balloons. Jamie's there
because of Alice and Tasha and Jenny doesn't seem interested in her there.
Helena and Dylan plan to be there briefly, but Jenny torpedos the happiness
by bringing up the test and all that from last episode. Dylan gets pissed
and leaves, destroying the much anticipated Helena/Dylan relationship
rekindling. Dylan leaves and Helena gives chase as Max arrives and...oh,
Helena's gonna kill Jenny. Yay. Surprise, Max.
The intro thing. And love and cookies and the way that we just want this
to all be over now.
The party is of a Willy Wonka theme, which oddly seems appropriate. Jamie
introduces herself and Jenny's just pissy. Helena arrives, announcing
that
Dylan's gone. Why Helena would even want to go back to that house is
beyond me, but I think we're finally reaching the level of nonsensical
now.
Bette speculates that Jenny's evil. Maybe we can just blame Tim for
bringing her to West Hollywood in the first place.
They go over some measuring game thing and Shane's the winner. Whatever.
And now, Chocolate In The Diaper. Tina guesses that it's a Skor Bar.
Jenny refers to Helena as, "Grumpy Pants." Jeez. Max updates
us on Tom's
departure into the Land Of The Dead Marios as he's gone and changed his
number and probably partying with Dylan as we speak. Okay, I made that
last part up. Not that it matters.
Shane and Jamie get high in the kitchen. They talk about Jenny and she
sucks and Alice and she's cool. Jenny walks in for the sake of interrupting
and being territorial. Jamie goes back to the living room and now Shane
and Jenny. Shane kinda looks like Johnny Depp from Benny & Joon here.
Jenny tells Shane that she has a present for her, but she can't tell or
show her what it is now. And she loves Shane. And Shane loves Jenny.
Times like these make me glad to not be in a relationship since I'd hate
to
have to deal with that drama in my life.
Time to cut the cake and sadly, no AWB in sight (as readers half my age
go,
"huh?"). And time to open up presents. Bette and Tina break
out the super
stroller cradle that may have a Green Lantern Power Battery. We go over
Tina's birth from Season 2's finale and we go into details of different
types of birth and Alice seems a tad grossed out. My heart goes out to
every woman just listening to this. And we open up more presents and it's
one of those lactate cup suction things. Max doesn't wanna breast feed
and
Tina says that he should. I think I grew up on canned stuff, so whatever.
Helena snipes a bit towards Jenny. And now Alice gives a weird speech.
I
remember Alice giving a speech to Shane before her wedding with
Carmen...and we saw how THAT turned out. Right now I'm tempted to headbutt
a wall repeatedly while watching. Max appears to be slowly but surely
freaking out. Alice gives some veiled gripe towards Jenny in the speech.
Again, it's hard to fathom Helena wanting to be anywhere near that place
after what just happened. Max finally freaks out full throttle and wants
Bette and Tina to adopt. Kit wants everyone to give Max air. Helena downs
Dos Equis, one after another. Jenny refers to Max as, "she,"
again and
annoys Max.
We now fast forward. Thank God. Max is in the bathroom and begins to
snipping off his beard. And indeed Max is very much pregnant.
Joyce's office now as Bette and Tina go over their adoption misadventure.
Joyce gives a quick text to Phyllis about being bored and after seeing
Bette and Tina's case as a slam dunk, goes on to mention her upcoming
wedding (now illegal in California, thanks to Proposition Hate) with
Phyllis. Bette and Tina brings up that Marcy, the birth mother is from
Nevada and Joyce goes over the Nevada legalities where they discriminate
against gay people in the adoption process. Options time and the one that
seems to be the way of making things work is bringing Marcy to live in
California with Bette and Tina and giving birth there, taking the ball
and
the baby out of Nevada's hands. Clever.
Alice, Tasha and Jamie return to Alice's from jogging. Tasha's being
highly complimentary to Jamie. Jamie's going to go home and showever,
but
Alice and Tasha devise a way to have Jamie shower here instead. So...
Tasha brings Jamie some clothes and gets to her mostly naked. Upon that,
Tasha gets horny while Jamie gets wet (in the shower, pervs). Tasha's
horniness which may be from seeing Jamie nekkid leads to some makin' with
the lovin' between Tasha and Alice on the couch. Jamie showers, oblivious
for the moment. Well, it's better than the baby shower. Jamie hears the
storytime as she finishes up. Either Jamie's shower was short or Alice
and
Tasha have endurance. Granted, I can understand Alice's endurance given
her times with Dana and Lara. Anyway, they finish and Jamie is kind enough
to announce her shower ending before entering the room. Now Tasha's gonna
go shower. Alice is gonna go shower with her, leaving Jamie on the couch,
amused.
Bette and Tina arrive home as we appear to have skipped ahead a bit as
they've talked with Marcy. We meet the lady in charge of the remodeling
stuff and she's like a female version of Lenny Clarke. She enjoys making
the sexy boys work hard and oh yeah, she just loves her some men. Bette
and Tina appear confused as she doesn't have the prototypical straight
woman look.
Jenny brings Shane to her surprise and now Shane has a photography studio.
Season 1 flashbacks to Cherie abound here and as a matter of fact, it
looks
like the same place the hair salon Shane worked at in Season 1, only
emptied out. Shane doesn't think she deserves this and is probably getting
the familiar vibe of the Jaffe Family as she sees what Jenny's gotten
her.
Oy.
Tina's about to head off for some thing in New York City and kisses Bette
buh-bye. She seems a little down about missing the opening of Bette's
new
art thing, but it's all good. Weezie the contractor thinks that Bette
and
Tina are sisters.
"Sisters?"
"We're close."
Weezie's going to the opening for Bette and Kelly so she can hit on the
boys. Well, good for her.
Hit Club...it's a hit!!! Sunset, going for the Madonna, "Like A
Virgin,"
look DJ's while Helena gets plastered. Kit doesn't want Helena destroying
herself and gets her from the bar. Helena takes offense to Kit doing the
right thing and storms away. Helena takes a seat next to whomever and
asks
about her tattoo.
Sunset thinks Kit and Helena would be good for each other. Kit decides
to
go borderline sexual harrassment on Sunset, playing with his muscles,
but
Helena's about to get in a fight so off to deal with that.
Meanwhile at the This Isn't The CAC, Bette and Kelly get things prepared
and James is in the house! James is like the My Buddy Doll. Wherever
Bette goes, he goes. Bette gets a call from Tina in New York City and
Tina
seems to be enjoying herself and the New York people. So they talk and
Kelly interrupts, citing emergency purposes. So that's that for the
conversation. The crisis emergency thing is something about oysters and
Bette's seems miffed. Kelly doesn't seem to understand the nature of Bette
and Tina's relationship, so Bette breaks it down for her. Bette and Tina
aren't married, making this clear to Kelly. Okay then.
Alice and Tasha arrive at Jamie's place. For those playing trivia, Jamie's
lived in that place since 1999 and used to live with someone named Mona.
Muh-muh-muh-muh-Monnnna. Tasha's starting to get the serious goo-goo eyes
on Jamie.
The opening and the art dude fella from the previous episode talks about
his work. Not that it matters. Kit and Helena arrive to say hi to Bette
and Tina. Someone fix Helena and Kelly up, just to keep them occupied!
Belena 'Shippers take note of the photo-op portion of this scene.
Kit checks out a painting and we're introduced to a handsome man who
stands
besides her. Oh yeah, that's Sunset in his non-girlish look.
Shane and Jenny arrive, talking with Kit and Kit's so proud of her sister.
Jenny brings up the canvas of screwing up Bette's life by pointing out
how
she and Kelly make a good couple.
Jenny and Shane joke about oysters.
Alice, Jamie and Tasha are there. Alice doesn't get the art.
Niki's here, with a bevy of paparazzi types. Niki arrives, saying hi
to
Bette and Kelly. Photo-op time and Shane sees that Niki's here. I don't
think Niki's there for the art. She says hi to Shane and Niki wants to
leave with Shane. Shane doesn't appear interested in being in Jenny's
shadow or watch and decides to leave off with Niki.
Kit doesn't like Helena driking too much so Helena leaves. Kit thinks
love
can suck and Sunset arrives, still in non-Sunset form and does some
borderline sexual harrassment. Kit splashses liquid in Sunset's face,
not
realizing who he is and walks off. Another guy asks if they know each
other. "We work together. Only she thinks of me as a girlfriend."
Jenny can't find Shane, asking Alice, Tasha and Jamie is they've seen
her.
Jamie feels bad for Jenny after Jenny walks away and this leads to the
concerns of being a parent, which leads to Tasha opening up for the first
time ever about her upbringing to Jamie and it's all news to Alice. Alice
seems lost in the shuffle now.
On to Shane's new studio and it's just her and Niki. Shane's developing
a
photo that she took some time back. The image turns out to be Molly.
Sneaking away from Jenny, there with Niki, looking at a picture of Molly
and as revealed earlier this Season, still harboring a fondness of her
time
Carmen...and Niki chooses this moment to make out with Shane. All of this
stuff I guess comes crashing down on Shane and Shane gets sick, puking
in
the water and on the image. This may be the end of Niki's relevance here
as she appears grossed out and leaves.
Bette arrives home and pays the babysitter (a different one this time).
Babysitter leaves and Kelly shows up with a bottle of champagne or wine
or
whatever. Whatever it is, it's an unexpected visit.
Jenny's trying to find Shane and they finally talk on the phone. Jenny
shows up at the photo studio and Shane's still nautious. Could've been
that oyster from earlier. Jenny helps Shane home and Shane rushes off
to
the bathroom, still sick.
Next door and Kelly is blazing drunk. The show was a big success. They
toast a cheer to their success.
Jenny puts Shane to bed so she can rest.
Kelly, still drunk and decides this is the time to cash in her raincheck
from years ago. But it's expired and Bette's taken. Kelly makes her move
and Bette shoves her off, which leads to them joking around a bit. Okay.
Well, Kelly is drunk so I guess Bette's trying to dismiss it.
Jenny's gonna always be there for Shane. Insert scary here.
Bette cleans up the broken glass from the shove off and this leaves us
with
just the right misinterpretation for Jenny as she sees what she thinks
is
Bette going down on Kelly. Hey, it's a nice tip of the cap to American
Beauty! That's my favorite movie ever. Jenny snaps a photo of what she
thinks she sees, setting the stage for Bette to wish death upon Jenny
next
week, most likely.
Only two more episodes left and at this point, I don't mind welcoming
the
end as things appear to be spiraling now.
Discuss
the episode and share your thoughts on the rest of Season 6!
Guest
Stars:
Elizabeth Berkely
Roger Cross
Alexandra Hedison
Mei Melancon
Music
1. Recap--Elizabeth Ziff
2. Oompa Loompa
3. Shooting Start--Les Baxter
4. Main Title--BETTY
5. Boca Chica--Les Baxter
6. Twinkle Twinkle
7. 3 Blind Mice
8. Here we go round
9. Frere Jacques
10. Cartoonish
11. Old MacDonald
12. Old King Cole
13. The City--Les Baxter
14. Max Shaving--Elizabeth Ziff
15. Living for it--Von Iva
16. Camera Whore--Nettie Rose
17. God’s Gonna Cut You Down--Costanza
18. Jade Temple Budda--Shanghi Restoration Project
19. Angel --Lucia Iman
20. Did You Tell Her--BETTY
Previews
Episode 6.07: "Last Couple Standing"
The Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian Center dance marathon is on;
someone is moving to the Big Apple; rumors fly fast around the dance floor
that Alice and Tasha may be in couple trouble and the HIT!'s new MC makes
a shocking revelation to Kit.
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