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#305: "LIFELINE" by Pam Cole The random act takes place in 1985. Frank, the guy in the Christian threeway from the previous episode has a flat tire in the middle of nowhere along with a total breakdown of his Christian resolve when he meets Coleman, the hunky mechanic who offers to fix his tire. Frank goes down on Coleman right in front of the tire rack. Dana finds out that the lump in her breast is cancer and that she probably needs a mastectomy. Oddly, it's just her and the doctor in the doctor's office when the doctor explains all this to her. Bette is at home trying to meditate when Tina's laptop computer keeps beeping, indicating that someone online is trying to reach Tina. Bette leaves her meditation to turn off the computer and is stunned to be greeted by Tina's cybersex partner trying to interest Tina in sex. At work, Tina becomes attracted to Josh, a screenwriter she is working with at the studio. She flirts with him and gives him her cell phone number. Josh sees a picture of Tina and Angelica and asks if Tina adopted Angelica. Tina says that she gave birth to Angelica, but when Josh asks about her husband, she says that she doesn't have a husband and never mentions Bette. When Tina comes home late that night, Bette, already in bed, confronts her about the cybersex chat room. Tina lies to Bette and says she was doing research for work and went online once. She turns away and ends the conversation saying she is tired and wants to go to sleep. (It looks like they sleep with pillows stacked up between them now.) Alice and Helena go "speed dating" at The Planet, Billie's latest gimmick to bring in customers. Of course, he is the master of ceremonies again, in another outragous costume. After a few speed dating duds, Helena gets a phone call from Dylan and leaves Alice at The Planet. Still speed dating, Alice eventually meets Uta, a hot woman who teaches vampirology and is a fan of Alice's radio show. Billie makes Kit join the speed dating, and puts her at a table with Angus in what is obviously a pre-arranged setup. Angus sings David Bowie's "Changes" to Kit, trying to convince her that he doesn't mind that she is going through the change of life and he still wants to date her. It's pretty cute; Billie sings backup. Carmen and Shane come home to find that Jenny and Moira have left a huge mess in the living room. Carmen goes ballistic and starts yelling at Moira to clean it up. Shane has to play referree and calm Carmen down. Helena goes to Dylan's house to see some footage of her documentary, which is really violent. While she is there, Dylan leans over and kisses her and they start to get it on, really hot and heavy. But then Dylan's boyfriend comes home and yells up the stairs to tell her that he is home. Dylan suddenly stops, realizing what she is doing, and pulls away from Helena. Dana contemplates life with one breast, but stops short of telling the gang at The Planet the whole story. She announces that she has a lump and is going into the hospital for a "little operation." Everyone is concerned and wants to know more, and come to the hospital with her, but she brushes them off and says everything is fine. Nobody really believes her and Lara looks terrified. Dana is convinced that her tennis career is over and pushes Lara away when she tries to make her feel better about options for her recovery that might allow her to play tennis again. Later on, Dana reaches out to Lara and asks her to make love to her, presumably for the last time when she has both her breasts. She begins to cry as Lara caresses her breasts. Moira goes for a job interview at a computer company dressed as a man. The interviewer is impressed with her credentials, but gives her a hard time about her gender, saying she is neither fish nor fowl. She doesn't get the job. Jenny comes home to find Moira on her hands and knees mopping and cleaning the floor. Moira says she is trying to make a contribution and Jenny tells her to stop it. Then she tells Moira to put on her strap-on and some really tight pants. They bind Moira's breasts and she puts on a tank top, and looks just like a guy. They go to Wax as a couple and dance. The rest of the gang is also there, and everyone can tell that Moira is "packing." Cherie Jaffe (yeah, that Cherie) shows up at Wax for a haircut using her maiden name. She got divorced and now she wants Shane. Carmen arrives and finds them together. They're not really doing anything, but they look suspicious. When Shane introduces them to each other, Carmen storms off, thinking that Shane is up to her old tricks and screwing Cherie again. Shane chases after Carme and tries to convince her otherwise, but for the second time this episode, we get to see Carmen's fiery Latino temper. That night when Carmen is DJ-ing at Wax (which is apparently the new dance hangout, too), Carmen ignores Shane. In fact, Carmen flirts with several men at Wax (looking incredibly hot in hot pants) and so now, Shane storms off and runs to Cherie's beach house. Cherie and Shane take up just where they left off, and Shane brings her strap on for good "measure." They have lots of sex in the pool, by the pool, around the pool. Hot, hot, hot. (Carmen who?) Bette and Tina argue over Bette's meditation class and how much money Bette spent for clothes. Bette goes to the meditation class anyway and really enjoys it. She also finds out that she is being considered for a museum director job in New York, but when she tells Tina that they would have to move to New York if Bette gets the job, Tina says that she is not sure she would move to New York with Bette. Later that night, Tina finally confesses to Bette that she did have cybersex with the guy on the computer and that she is having sexual feelings for men. (Still waiting for a season 3 kiss between Bette and Tina-will it ever happen?) Alice goes home with Uta the vampire and has great sex with a little bondage thrown in. She gets scared when she begins to think that Uta might really be a vampire and calls Helena on her cell phone to have Helena do some internet research on vampires. She realizes that Uta's name (Uta Refson) spells Nosferatu backwards (which means vampire). NOTE: There are lots of beautiful, exposed breasts in this episode
that is sadly about Dana learning that she must lose one of her breasts.
This was good work by episode director Kimberly Peirce, who also directed
the film, Boys Don't Cry.
Alan Cumming
The Lifeline edition of the musical review's a ton o' fun. So let's delve in and behold the wonders of Uta...and the music. Millie Jackson - Feel Like Makin' Love. Plays during the ol' reliable flashback scene that by God's gonna pay off here eventually. I just know it is!! Werner Tautz - Razz My Berries. Welcome to bisexual dating night at the Planet as Nightcrawler puts it. Too much in the background to be noticed all that much for the most part. Kudos to "Changes" by Angus The Mangus Manny Dude with
backing vocals by Othello 9 - Vol 5. Helena and Jill chat while watching a shooting and a little makin' of the lovin'. Jill's cute and all, but she's no Leigh Ostin. 'Sides, Season 2 Helena would've eaten this girl alive. ...Okay, that didn't sound right. Although since I'm in the area of low brow, Uta coulda just sucked her dry. But anyway... Magneta Lane - The Constant Lover. Dana kindasortabutnotreally tells the Group Of Friends what's going on. Funny little moment as Bette and Helena share an uneasy moment concerning a scar on Tina's body. Fanny Pack - Not This. Cherie arrives. I guess putting in a Toto song woulda been a little too obvious though. Those of you under the age of 25, I'll leave it as an excercise for you to figure that reference out. Sweatshop Union - Don't Be Afraid. Moira/Maxxxxxx tries cleaning the house as Jenny arrives. It's there, it has a beat. Goody! Cory Lee - Naughty Song. I love love LOVE this song! Playin' at the Wax place as people have a good time, dancing, drinking, Uta....ahhhhhhh, Uta. Some like her, some don't. I'm of the former, big time. Raymond MacDonald - Collision. Megaupbeat dance as Carmen works the crowd, a little too much for Shane. Nightcrawler's got a nice shirt here. Siegfried Schwab & Manfred Hubler - The Lions and the Cucumber (from Vampyros Lesbos). Alice gets the freaky deeky lovin' embracin' from Uuuuuuuuuuuuta!!!! Did I mention I like Uta? If not, let's just clear it up now. I like Uta! Just keep her and those chains away from Gabby. Esthero - I Drive Alone. This song takes us home as Shane make
a poor error in judgment, venturing Lots of makin' with the lovin' and some quality cuts, especially Cory
Lee http://mancandy.com - Thursdays, 9 PM Eastern Nowhere To Go Radio: All Women, All Day The Broad & Cast Network
Creative Consultant ADAM RAPP
SHO.com: Tina continues to struggle with her sexual feelings
for men; Kit gives in to Angus; the girls rush to the hospital to be by
Dana's side; New York comes calling to Jenny; Moira finds there's a shortcut
to getting male hormones. TVGuide.com: Tina admits to Bette that she is experiencing romantic feelings for a man; Alice becomes more enamored of Uta, the vampire (Erica Cerra); a publisher wants Jenny to turn her fictional novel into a tell-all memoir; the girls learn the truth about Dana's condition; Carmen confronts Shane about her affair with Cherie (Rosanna Arquette); Billie helps Moira/Max score an illegal prescription for male hormones; Dylan sends Helena mixed signals; Kit makes a romantic move on the Angus. TV.com: Bette gives Tina her consent -- and a possible ultimatum -- to explore her feelings for men. Jenny meets with a publisher about her manuscript for a book, Billie makes Moira a tempting, but shady offer, Kit gives in to Angus' advances, and Carmen lays down the law to Shane regarding their relationship. Alice offers her support to Lara and celebrations are cut short when the girls finally find out the truth about Dana's condition.
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Season
3 / Episode 5: "Lifeline"
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