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#301: "LABIA MAJORA" by Pam Cole Season 3 opens with the same Betty theme song and a slight variation of the animated opening sequence of Season 2. The episode begins with a random act that takes place in 1973 where a group of women are examining their vaginas with mirrors (ala Fried Green Tomatoes). Two of the women in the group split off (Marilyn and Teri) and apparently become the first two links on "The Chart." Alice is still on the radio, only now she's spilling her guts about Dana and Lara while popping anti-depressants on-air. (It's six months after the end of season 2 and a lot has happened in that time.) Dana and Lara apparently now live together and have lots of sex. Bette, Tina, and Angelica play with other parents/children at some kind of day care event. Bette gets pissed at one of the dads and calls him an asshole, so naturally, Tina apologizes to the man and spends more time talking to him than to Bette. Afterwards, Tina hands out invitations to Angelica's 6-month (!) birthday party, including the man Bette is pissed at. Enter the new Helena: tarot-seeking, yoga-doing, good friend Helena. Having fulfilled her role as number one antagonist in season 2, writers seem to have remade this character to continue her role. She is a kinder, gentler soul, owing to some transformation over the last six months. Helena visits a Tarot reader and learns that a new love interest is on the horizon—someone who sounds alarmingly like Alice. Then Alice and Dana are in a yoga class together, where a distraught Alice can't stop sobbing. (Leisha Hailey is a really good crier.) Helena comforts her and realizes that Alice could be the love interest the tarot reader predicted. Bette and Tina are having sexual problems again and visit a sex therapist (Kate Clinton). Apparently, Tina can have sex naked in a public swimming pool when she is six months pregnant, but she can't stand the thought of having Bette see her naked post-caesarian. Hmmm. She also doesn't like the vocabulary the therapist uses to discuss female genitalia. Which leads to a round table discussion at The Planet with Bette, Tina, the canoodling Shane and Carmen, and the equally starry-eyed Dana and Lara about the many words women use to talk about their "parts." Alice wins the contest (and scatters the crowd) when she suddenly appears and then interrupts with her repeated use of the word "peeper," which is what she and Dana called it when they were together. Angelica gets passed around the gang as part of "attachment parenting," something that Bette and Tina are practicing: the baby has to always be in contact with another human being. (Reminds me of the scene in the hospital at the end of Season 2-- must have started then.) Kit visits David (her son, the doctor) with various complaints that she is afraid may be serious. Shane takes Carmen home to meet her ultra-traditional Mexican family. (Wow, this is serious! How much did I love this scene? Break out the champagne….this is what I've been looking for!) Carmen's mother adores Shane and tries to put her in a white formal dress. Carmen has to "convince" Shane to try on the dress with lots of lip-smacking and foreplay. Who could resist? And so, we see Shane wearing the white dress. It's very pretty. Bette and Tina meet with the world's most unlikely social worker as part of the process of Bette's adoption of Angelica. It doesn't go well, especially when Alice crashes into the social worker's vehicle in Bette and Tina's driveway. (Alice is hot off a car chase with Dana, where she alternates between a phone call with Dana and Helena while tearing through the streets after Dana. Too funny to describe.) Jenny's been in Skokie for therapy. She's ready to come back to LA and apparently has invited Moira to come with her. We assume she met Moira in a Skokie bar, but we don't have any other background on Moira. Later, Jenny's parent's catch them having sex in Jenny's bedroom and her stepfather throws them out (which is fine, because Jenny had only come back to pack her things and, apparently, have sex with Moira.) Alice goes from road ragester to peeping tom, as she sneaks outside Dana's house and peeks through the blinds, where inside, Dana and Lara are hot and heavy making out on the sofa. During the makeout session, Lara finds a lump in Dana's breast but Dana brushes it off saying it's "been there forever." Kit finds out that her symptoms are menopausal. When she tells the gang
at The Planet, they convince her that it's not all that bad and continue
their discussion of the many ways we talk about sex and female genitalia.
(I learned a lot of new phrases. Next up: "power surge" = hot
flash.)
Kate Clinton (Dr. Farber)
"It's been a long year..." -line from a Velvet Revolver song. Hi, I'm Kace and it's a pleasure to be back for Season 3 Reviewing Fun! So let's begin the journey, "6 months later." By the way, I will give my own little opinions here and there as we get through the episode...sorry in advance. :) Maria Muldaur "It Ain't The Meat It's The Motion" Cool. Same theme song for The L Word. Works for me. Tegan and Sara "So Jealous" "Hellooo....to Lola...." ...okay... Why does this guitar player guy remind me of someone who'd be picked on mercelessly by Beavis and Butt-Head? This guy sucks...bring me Laurie Berkner any day. However, he's saved by offering to play Ozzy and Black Sabbath for Angelica. Lady Precise "Str8 with Myself" Transientworld "Shelter" Georgina Perez "Amor Del Alma" Catlow "Kiss the World" Shivaree "I Will Go Quietly" Okay...her name is Moira. And why does Warren look like Saddam Hussein??? Othello 9 "Jena Beat" By God!!! Humour!!! On The L Word!!! They remembered to give us some -Kace Break The Trend Radio Nowhere To Go Radio: All Women, All Day The Broad & Cast Network
Cast: Bette Porter…………………………………JENNIFER
BEALS Guest stars: Production: Directed by ROSE TROCHE Unit Production Manager ANN KINDBERG
Billie Blaikie, a flamboyant party promoter sets up shop at The Planet; Alice refuses to let Helena throw out the life-size cut out of Dana; Jenny wants to be more than just friends with Moira; and Bette feels her life is out of her control.
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Season 3 / Episode 1 ; Episode: "Labia Majora "
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