written by Katey

Lobsters, Episode 3.3 - Part 1

I have to say this was a great episode, but then any episode that starts off with Nuns getting down and dirty is bound to be a winner in my book. They're frisky little devils, huh? Something.. new.. every.. week.

We open with Shane and Carmen checking out "Wax," a skate-shop in Venice that apparently wants to double as a hair salon that features, you guessed it, Shane. Why, they're even going to offer a line of 'Shane' hair care products.. and I for one hope she uses them.

Cut to Helena, back at the tarot card table and she aint looking for love this time. No, this time she needs the cards to tell her who she can trust in LA. She's obviously bitten off more than she can chew, what with that all that 'movie studio' jazz and all, and needs a little help. One by one the cards are revealed and we watch as Helena's anxious face awaits the vague, cryptic message from the Tarot. Now, let's pay extra close attention and see if we can decipher the message.

Tarot: "She's blonde, just had a baby, lives with an unemployed woman named Bette and has a background in the movie studio business."

Nope, not a clue.

And of course no episode would be complete without a little Bette slap, right to the kisser. Turns out her funding was pulled by the NEA and her latest art exhibit will never see the light of day because of this damn Bush administration! Oh, don't worry, Tina doesn't care either. "So they're not going to give you the money?" Ha, that Tina is one sharp cookie. And, hey, while we're on the subject, what's up with the non-supportive, bitc*& tude all of a sudden? I like it, it's sexy, keep it up!

Poor Bette though, she was thinking about auctioning the Mapplethorpe but Osh Kosh Bgosh, those Kiki Smiths can really rake in a bundle. Eeny, meeny, miny.. Seriously, it's only been six months, girls. Where'd the money go?

To the Planet, where Kit's all, "Oh no you didn't," and Billy's all, "Oh yes I did," and Kit's all, "Oh no you didn't," and Billy's all.. ya know, come on, so he changed the menu and wants to turn the air conditioner down. Are these real problems? I mean the guests seem to dig him. Nope, I'm sorry, Kit, but you can't always be in control! Where's Candace?

Alright, say it with me, "Hello, Moira, it's so nice to meet you and hey, welcome to West Hollywood!" As Shane and Carmen pull into the driveway, we get a lame, "Hey, whose truck is that?" Okay, let's ignore the fact that Jenny called and told Carmen she and Moira would be arriving home in a truck. Not important. What's important here is Otto, the dog we never saw before and more than likely will never see again? Yeah, Otto, the dog, gets a warmer greeting than Moira, the person. Tsk, tsk.

Moira's a stranger in a new town and she's trying to find commonality in the people she's meeting, so it was no big surprise that she gravitated toward Shane. I mean, hell, it should have been expected, right? Shane's a bit rough around the edges, clearly Tomboy or whatever the kids are calling themselves these days. "You ladies relax and let us Butch's unload the truck."

Carmen proceeds to mock Moira by slapping Shane's arm in jest and condescendingly repeating her words, but her unwillingness to see those qualities in Shane really sold the scene for me; well, that and when Moira hurled the bag. Moving..

"Hello, Mr. Tree, Hello, Mr. Table," ".. .Hey, where'd you get that baby?" Introducing, Mangus. No, you can relax, it's not another new character, its Angus, but he's the Manny, get it? Kit's got Jungle Fever, Kit's got Jungle Fever..

Taking the cards advice, Helena invites Tina for a tour of her studio, a la golf cart. So, basically we're supposed to just accept the fact that Tina and Helena are chums now? Uh, okay, whatever, I'll play along. Oh and look, Nuns!

Helena asks Tina what she thinks of the studio, which puzzles Tina at first until the job offer is officially made. "You want me to work for you?" Ha, that Tina is one bright bulb.

Cut to Shane, exhausted and collapsing on the couch. Apparently carrying four bags into the house can really wipe a girl out. Moira starts to move her stuff into Jenny's bedroom as Carmen's disapproval starts moving out of her mouth. She just can't believe that Jenny would allow Moira to move in without discussing it first. Yeah, you got a point there, Carmen, except you forgot one thing. I don't remember you clearing it with Jenny before you moved in either. "This is Jenny's house, Carmen." Thanks for reminding her, Shane, and while you're at it, remind her to finish that lap-dance, would ya? Thanks buddy!

Looks like Alice has found a new topic to discuss on her show. She starts talking about all the antidepressants she's taken to get over Dana and the side effects from each. Okay, let's see, one made her slash Dana's tire, one made her so delusional she resorted to dining with "The Dana," and one made her cry during masturbation. Hmm, yeah, I'd stick with the tire slashing one. That's the funniest, although I'd subscribe to Showtime twice just to see her with Tourette syndrome once. What do you think, Showtime?

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